February 24, 2024 at 1:38 am

Her Husband’s Therapist Assigned Her Homework, But She Pushed Back Because This Was His Therapy, Not Hers

by Matthew Gilligan

Source: Reddit/AITA/@secretsecretwhisper

Who wants to do homework as an adult?

Not me!

And I bet you’re not on board with that idea either, are you?

Heck no!

So was this woman out of line for what she did?

Check out her story and see what you think…

AITA for not doing the homework my husband’s therapist assigned to me?

“My husband and I have been together for over a decade.

During this time he’s been in therapy on and off. He had a hard time finding a therapist that was right for him. A few of his therapists early on encouraged him to just medicate (with no regular sessions) and one pushed religion on him. Neither of these worked.

What he needed was someone to meet with him semi regularly, not push their religious beliefs on him, and instead work with him to develop appropriate strategies/talk through issues.

She told him how she feels.

Whenever he told me about one of these more questionable strategies (i.e. pushing ‘just love Jesus’) I said I thought that was inappropriate and he should find a better therapist and go without until then.

There have been long stretches where he has gone without therapy because my husband isn’t generally good at taking care of himself. That falls on me.

She has a lot of responsibility regarding him…

I have to remind him to do things to keep him healthy/taken care of. Drink water. Eat more than once a day. There are literally times I have had to tell him he needs to brush his teeth. He also gets anxious making any decisions on his own.

I have to help him pick out new clothes, write emails to work colleagues or groups of friends. He can’t make plans for us- I have to make them all. Or, I should say, I have to help him make the plans so then he can say he made them.

She’s tired of this situation.

He’s a good person. He loves me so much. But he is so dependent on me. It is draining. I have to spend an hour at least once a week talking him through whatever crisis he’s having. Sometimes this crisis is over what new collectable to buy. A collectable for him. That I do not have any interest in.

I finally demanded that he look into therapists again. I told him I can not be his therapist and he cannot depend on me this much. He needs to start taking care of himself and get a therapist that will work with him to develop these skills. And he did! Which is great.

Then she got a surprising request.

However a month into therapy he said his therapist had homework for me. I was supposed to write out a list of all his great qualities- at least a page or two. (Mind you, this is after YEARS of me carrying all his emotional baggage, essentially mothering him, giving him credit for things I did so he could feel better about himself, and one year, I did in fact write out 100 things that I thought were great about him for a gift.)

I was so frustrated. I said no. I said therapy is his work, not mine, and I’ve spent too many years of our lives solving things for him. It wasn’t fair to ask me to sit down and do this homework when the point of his therapy was for him to build his own skills without depending on me all the time.

Things got even weirder…

He was upset but accepted it, and said he understood. Well, just the other day he told me that his therapist doesn’t like me. And thinks I should be thanking and showing him appreciation more. I told him I didn’t care what his therapist thought- they are his therapist.

This does have me thinking though, AITA for not doing the homework his therapist assigned to me?”

Check out how folks reacted to this story on Reddit.

This person said she’s NTA…and they think she needs to go to therapy.

Source: Reddit/AITA

Another individual said they’d just get a divorce if they were in her shoes.

Source: Reddit/AITA

One Reddit user had a story to tell.

Source: Reddit/AITA

This reader thinks her husband might be way off the mark.

Source: Reddit/AITA

And one individual said this isn’t something she should have to do.

Source: Reddit/AITA

I mean… it wouldn’t hurt, right?

Seems like she might be a little out of line here…

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.