Not everyone can understand the impact of another person’s upbringing. Knowing that, if someone tells you they don’t like to talk about it or don’t want anyone else to know, you should just respect their feelings.

When you don’t, trust can be irreparably broken.

OP bakes cakes and agreed to make one for her nibling’s birthday.

I (28f) love to bake and I will often make cakes and stuff for friends and since I met my ILs in 2018, for them as well.

My SIL asked me to bake her daughter’s birthday cake for her birthday this weekend. This was back in October and we discussed what she wanted in detail.

It’s not my first time making her cakes but it is my first time as her SIL officially and where I felt like I was truly part of a family.

Then, she learned in a very difficult way that her in-laws had betrayed her trust.

Three days ago I was out grocery shopping and I ran into a family friend of my ILs. This person is not someone I like very much. She’s a bad gossip and seems to have some malice in her while sharing gossip about others.

I try to be polite to everyone and normally I don’t talk to her. But she stopped me and went out of her way to ask me when my husband and I are having kids.

Then she mentioned me being a foster kid and an affair baby and she did it in a way that was meant to come across as actual concern but was really her being intrusive and cruel.

She mentioned that my ILs and SIL were concerned about our kids not having anyone.

She had a hard childhood and asked them not to talk about it.

My history is that both my parents were married to others and had children with their other spouses when they had an affair. I was the result. Both sets of first children were technically adults or close to it when I was born.

The day before my 5th birthday we were in the car together and it crashed. My parents died and so did the people in the other car. I was the only survivor and I was in hospital for a few weeks after.

Nobody in either of my parents families wanted me and I was brought up in foster care the rest of my life. I never found a family.

They were not apologetic.

I told my husband when he got home from work and I was a mess. It might seem dumb but I felt like his family betrayed the trust I put in them and they did the one thing they were asked not to do, which was tell people about my history.

It’s not something I want to broadcast to everyone who knows me.

My husband confronted his parents and sister and they said they only mentioned it to “a few close circle people” and they defended it when my husband said that wasn’t okay.

SIL said it’s not like people wouldn’t find out eventually and he asked her how they would find out if we never told them.

OP said she won’t be baking the cake and her sister-in-law panicked (but didn’t apologize).

After hearing SIL say what she did and realize how unapologetic they were and hearing how little they cared about what they did to me, I asked if I could speak to SIL for a sec and told her not to expect a cake from me after going against what I wanted and having such little care for the harm it caused.

She went crazy and said it was only 3 days until the birthday party and my husband backed me up and said so what.

She and their parents were blowing up his phone so bad he had to block them and I worry that I’m being a bit of an AH saying no with such short notice.

AITA?

Her husband backed her up but OP is second-guessing herself.

The top comment is extremely sensitive to what OP is going through.

This person agrees that her inlaws crossed a major line.

They are all happy she has found such a great and supportive husband.

This commenter is also happy that she stood up for herself.

Everyone wants OP to know she’s done nothing wrong.

I hate this story so much.

But I, too, am glad she has a partner who loves her and backs her up.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.