April 4, 2024 at 9:36 am

Her Husband Wanted to Change The Indian Food She Made, But She Refused Because It Was Her Native Cuisine

by Matthew Gilligan

Source: Reddit/AITA/Unsplash/@amir_v_ali

I think these two might need some couples counseling…

That’s just my humble opinion, but it doesn’t seem like this married couple is on the same page.

Read on and see if you think she was out of line for how she reacted to a request from him.

AITA for refusing to let my husband “fix” my cultural food?

“Cultural Background: I (32F) am Indian American (my nationality is American and my ethnicity is Indian), married to my husband (32M) who is German/Irish/Polish American.

We’ve been married for a little less than a year, and living together for 2 years now. My husband and I cook dinner for each other equitably. I cook dinner more often just because I am typically more free most evenings, but I do not mind and he also cooks dinner regularly.

She’s been exploring her culinary roots.

Recently my mom has been teaching me familial Indian recipes more and more frequently in hopes to widen my culinary knowledge for a family. Because of this, I’ve been introducing more and more Indian foods to my husband. Until now, he’s been really enthusiastic about it and enjoys the food and flavors I’ve introduced to him. For reference, it’s mostly been spicy curries when I’ve cooked Indian food.

The problem started when I made Daal for him, which if you’re not familiar, is a lentil dish that’s more umami than it is spicy, but it’s really flavorful in its own right. When I served it to him and he took a bite, I saw noticeable disappointment on his face.

I asked him what was wrong, and he said that he thought I forgot to add spice to it. I laughed because I thought he was joking, but he seemed dead serious.

I told him I had used spice, they just weren’t “spicy” in the traditional sense. But he insisted he wanted it spicy, and I said that it was just how it was made.

Oh, boy…

We went back and forth for a while, and I eventually got really mad because it felt like he was disrespecting my family traditions by insisting something was wrong. At some point he even said, “it’s okay, I’ll fix it myself,” and I got really frustrated and told him he isn’t allowed to touch the pot of daal.

I told him he could reheat leftovers and or make something else, because we’ve NEVER altered the food the other made just because we didn’t like it. I specifically told him he has no place to correct me or modify my cultural food, and I just won’t make it for him anymore if he doesn’t like it.

She wasn’t happy about this.

He said I was being completely unreasonable for not letting him fix the dish.

I forget what he said specifically and I don’t want to misquote him, but the gist of it was that he expected differently from my cuisine, which really set me off.

It’s been a few days and it’s kind of been a bit bitter at meal time. He hasn’t apologized to me and I think he’s expecting one from me, but I’m really not sure how I’m in the wrong. Was I being too defensive, or was he just insensitive?”

And here’s how people reacted on Reddit.

This reader thinks they both suck.

Source: Reddit/AITA

Another Reddit user shared their thoughts.

Source: Reddit/AITA

This person said she’s NTA.

Source: Reddit/AITA

Another reader said her husband was disrespectful.

Source: Reddit/AITA

I think some therapy might be in order for these two.

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