It may be a hard thing to come to terms with, but once you’re married, your loyalty should be to the family you made and not the family you came from.

It seems more than a couple of Reddit husbands have yet to figure this out.

This wife and recent mother of two wasn’t consulted before her mother-in-law moved in.

I (27) have been married to my husband, (I’ll refer to him as Alex, fake name) (36M), for 7 years and we have 2 children together, a 3 yr old girl and a baby (2 wks)

A week ago my MIL (we’ll call her Kathy) recently had a pretty bad breakup with a long term partner of hers.

Following this, Kathy asked Alex if she could stay with us for a while, he obliged.

Alex didn’t run this by me but as this is his mother and she is going through a rough patch, I let it go.

She was the one who had to deal with all of the insidious comments she made over the course of several days.

Now here’s where the problem begins:

MIL has been constantly critiquing my parenting and even inserting herself in me and Alex’s finances.

I’m no stranger to her bashing my parenting when we would see her on holidays with my toddler but this was her first time staying with us for so long.

Some of MIL’s bashing goes as follows — baby is mainly formula fed (I want to breastfeed exclusively but my milk supply is low and I’ve been working with my baby’s pediatrician)

She goes on long rants about how I’m “feeding my baby poison” and “throwing money down the drain” and how she “breastfed her children with no problems!” And that I need to stop being lazy.

As well as a thousand critiques about how I’m holding baby too much and Ill spoil her. (No amount of telling her my conversations with my baby’s pediatrician put an end to this.)

And when I make my 3 year old something quick for breakfast or lunch and MIL goes on about how “I’m home all day doing nothing and can’t be bothered to cook my child a real meal)

The last straw was her mother-in-law insinuating she was using her husband for his money.

My final straw happened last night:

I’m currently on maternity leave (elementary school teacher) my husband is working and makes about 3x what I make.

When my husband got home from work, I asked him to watch the kids for a few minutes while I took a shower.

MIL says I’m being lazy and a gold digger and that I expect her son to do all the work and then come home and babysit.

I lost it.

I shouted at her to go back to her own house, and to mind her own parenting.

Her husband, though, took his mother’s side.

My husband then said I can’t do that to my own MIL and that she lives all on her own now and that I was being cruel.

I shouted at him that she has 3 other children she can stay with, that he lets her get away with talking to his wife that way and what kind of husband is he.

MIL and Alex left, Alex said he’ll stay with his mother for a night or two. I called my sister and mom over to help with the kids and to talk to them.

He even left with her.

I feel like I may be TA because even though Alex has heard many of the remarks she’s made about me and my parenting, I probably should’ve talked to him about it and now it made me feel.

I bet Reddit is going to come with the D word!

The top comment says her husband’s behavior is appalling.

This person says it’s time for an ultimatum.

 

They think her husband needs to grow up.

She had better get an apology.

It’s mostly a husband problem.

It’s time to get out of there, as hard as that is going to be to face with two young babies.

If you liked that story, check out this post about a group of employees who got together and why working from home was a good financial decision.