Estate planning is important for everyone, but it is absolutely essential for those who are quite well off.

What happens when you are asked to serve as the trustee for a sibling’s inheritance, but you know it will make things weird?

That is what the guy in this story has to deal with, and he’s wondering if he handled it well.

Take a look.

AITA for refusing my parents’ request to be trustee for my brother’s inheritance?

Context: I (45M) have one brother (40M).

Sounds like a very blessed family.

My parents (71M,F) both had successful careers and have accumulated enough wealth that they need to do estate planning.

I got very lucky and have had a lucrative finance career that has left me quite a bit wealthier than they are (which they know, roughly).

My brother and his wife both work for non-profits, but have climbed their respective org charts and have a good middle-class income.

My parents have helped them from time to time, for example with a downpayment for a house when they got married and private school tuition for my young nephew.

Nothing wrong with that.

He’s a little more into shopping and costly hobbies  than I am – but I live an unusually spartan life.

Brother and I have a good relationship, though we live on opposite sides of the country, so we only get together a few times a year.

When my parents last visited me, they pulled me aside to tell me about their estate plans.

They intend to leave everything to my brother and his family, because I’m already financially set and because they don’t want a giant disparity in wealth between their two sons.

I’m entirely fine with that.

It’s their money, obviously; I don’t need any; and I love my brother and his family and want them to be comfortable.

I told my parents as much – so far so good.

Here’s where it got problematic.

Bad idea, this WILL cause problems.

Parents said, “it’s a lot of money and we don’t want it to just drop in [Bro’s] lap.  So we are setting up a trust to receive the money, to benefit [Bro] and then [nephew].  We want you to be the Trustee. ”

I told them that wasn’t going to be possible. I don’t want to superintend my brother’s finances. It seems like a recipe for strife and division.

If I just let him do what he pleases and the money is dissipated, he could resent that I didn’t invest it better or exert more control; if I am conservative about disbursements, then he could resent my “heavy hand.”

I also told them that while my bro is not quite the penny-pincher I am, he is far from irresponsible with money (or generally).

My parents reacted poorly. They claimed that it is not a big ask.

I said that, actually, it is kind of a big ask for me to serve as Trustee for who-knows-how-long , and that the one sliver lining of getting no inheritance should be that I don’t need to be involved in the estate.

I offered to refer them to a professional trust company.

They accused me of refusing out of jealousy.

Unnecessary, but I can see why he did it.

That was too much for me, so I pulled out my banking app and showed them that what was just sitting in my checking account was close to their estate (to be honest, had just received a large deferred comp wire from my firm, so it was unusually large –but, look, I was annoyed at their accusation and wanted to rebut it as quickly and convincingly as possible).

When we parted, it was a little tense and my mom said, “well, I guess we were wrong to think we could count on you.”

Now I am thinking maybe I should just suck it up and do it.

AITA?

Well, showing off his wealth was not the best idea, I get why he did it.

Let’s see what the people in the comments thought of his strategy.

It really doesn’t make sense.

Anyone would be uncomfortable here.

Yeah, how would this not make it awkward?

This comment recommends getting an attorney.

This person suggests it is insulting to the brother.

Let bankers be bankers and brothers be brothers.

Everyone will be happier that way.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.