How nice is too nice?

And when does it cross the line into not so nice?

Is it nice when someone offers to do something for you that you really don’t want them to do?

In todays’ story, that’s the situation one woman finds herself in, and she’s not sure how to get her husband to understand that he’s not being nice.

Let’s read all the details.

AITA for snapping at my husband for being “forcefully nice”?

My husband is a nice guy, but sometimes he doesn’t listen to me and that really triggers me if he does it frequently enough.

For example, he will ask if i want some oranges, i’ll say no thank you, then he’ll peel some oranges for me and offer me some, and then i’ll say no thank you, and he leaves the bowl of oranges there.

But imagine this happens for multiple scenarios daily.

95% of our fights is because he does not listen to me, and thinks he knows better and keeps insisting and imposing his ideas on me.

He seriously doesn’t listen to her.

Today, i was holding our baby daughter (2 months) and eating.

He told me to eat first and he will hold our daughter.

I told him, I’m fine, it’s finger food and I got it.

I told him to eat first and then rear the toddler/baby after.

Well he insisted I should eat first and told me to give him the baby.

I told him again, NO i’m ok, i can hold the baby.

The whole time the baby must me like, “hey man, leave me out of this.”

He then came over and grabbed the baby and repeatedly said “eat! Eat first! I’ll eat after”.

I told him explicitly, “NO, let go. No i’m fine. No don’t take her. you aren’t listening to me and this WILL lead to a fight, this is disrespectful, please stop” while maintaining my hold on our baby.

He kept grabbing the baby from my arms and I finally let go because i didn’t want to make our baby feel uncomfortable or worse hurt her (like god forbid we drop her while both trying to grab her).

I was so [angry] he would not listen to me again and went as far as “starting a tug a war” with our baby.

The husband’s excuse is that he’s being “nice.”

He says he’s always trying to just be nice and I end up snapping at him.

It’s also important to know what we value the most in relationship is different.

He values feeling like he’s cared for and loved. I value being respected.

I told him by not listening to me repeatedly (multiple times a week), he’s disrespecting me.

So now I feel crazy. I know he’s trying to be nice but I end up a fight about how he doesn’t listen to me at least twice a month.

Sounds pretty irritating. But what say the denizens of Reddit?

Most of us agree, this would be insufferable:

Some commenters had first hand knowledge:

VERY first hand:

Some even have systems for dealing with this:

But while his behavior is clearly in the wrong, maybe we shouldn’t be too quick to judge the motive:

Maybe this is his way of trying to feel loved and useful.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.