Airport security is very important because if there are any problems, it can be a huge threat to many people.

What would you do if you were a prisoner transport guard who was allowed to carry a weapon on board, but the TSA agent wouldn’t let you pass with nail clippers?

That is what the federal agent in this story experienced, so he called in the supervisor and was able to move on.

Check it out.

Guns on a plane, OK, Nail clippers, I don’t think so lady.

I worked for FBOP. (Federal Bureau Of Prisons).

The facility I worked at was a complex, 4 different facilities/levels of inmates; camp, medium, max, super max.

I had made the transport team, which usually just consisted of busing guys to transfer facilities, medical appts, etc.

We also had to handle emergency transports, to hospitals, or, as in this case, ‘witsec’ transfers.

Witsec’s are in prison witness protection inmates, usually guys who testified on the big bosses for lighter sentences.

So, as you can imagine, if someone recognized them we had to move them pretty fast.

So, all transport team had a ‘go bag’ in our locker, I was pretty new, so I had gone out when first accepted to transport and just bought the bare minimums (go bags are like medium purse size).

I had a change of undergarments, soft pants, t-shirt, and I just picked up one of those prepackaged toiletries bags from Walgreens.

So, I come into work, and I’m walking down to my unit when LT intercepts me, seems someone messed up big time and we got a witsec and his codefendant (guy he testified against) in same facility.

So, witsec was snatched up, is in the SHU, and we’re to take him to a facility in FL.

Plane leaves in a couple of hours, driver is standing by, inmates belongings will be mailed.

Why the big hurry?

I can imagine that would be very dangerous.

Well both these guys are Max Security, with a very high escape/threat to public safety rating, and gang affiliations, basically, if one knew the other was that close it could kick off a full blown riot.

(If I remember right, 3 people’s heads rolled for that mess up).

So, we’re off to grab our go bags, get paperwork, and off to the Armory.

This guy required transport in a 5 point harness, minimum 2 armed guards.

So, we’re issued a 9mm and 45 rounds of ammo each.

We have 3 mags, 2 on our belts, 1 in the gun, and one round chambered.

We are required to count each bullet before leaving Armory.

Me and partner get all necessary documents in triplicate, and scoop up our guy, and off we go.

Get to airport in Denver, there’s a whole special procedure for check in, one of the things was they give you a red card with your boarding pass to let TSA know your law enforcement and have a weapon with you.

Now keep in mind this was a few years after 9-11, all this stuff was still new.

We have to take our restrained inmate through security now.

We were a bit taken back by this, uh, OK we say, and shuffle our guy on down.

I’m sure it is a whole process to get approved.

Now, once we showed the gate keeper (the person who made sure there were only ticketed passengers pass that point) our Tickets and red cards, we’re directed to a separate security line, where we secured our inmate in a holding room, and had TSA Verify our ammo count, weapons cleared, etc.

More paperwork (you have to verify the count when you land too).

So, my partner and I are all done with weapons declaration, paperwork signed, and TSA says, I need to scan your bags too.

We both shrug and toss them on her belt.

They buzz through, and lady stops the belt and is scrutinizing the screen.

Finally she says to me, I need you to open your bag.

I give her a quizzical look but open it up, she points to my toiletries bag, and says open this.

Since I’d never used it before, I had to open all the packaging etc.

I dump the contents out.

The TSA lady exclaimed accusatorially, Ah Ha! and grabs the 1inch long by maybe a quarter inch wide pair of nail clippers.

I mean seriously, they were the smallest ones I’d ever seen in my life.

So TSA lady snatched them up, and triumphantly looks at me, and with all the smugness of a well seasoned airport security monkey informs me that, “these are contraband.”

I stare at her, actually speachless for at least 30 seconds.

I blink a few times and say very calmly, OK, you keep them then, and start to throw my stuff back in my bag.

I’ve had things in my bag that weren’t allowed before, they just asked me if they could throw it away.

But oh no, Miss TSA isn’t going down that easily, she very boldly informs me that she isn’t my mother or my personal assistant, I brought the contraband into the airport and I can, “walk myself right back outside with it”

Me: and put it where?

TSA: I don’t care what you do with it, as long as it ain’t in here.

Me: If you truly feel that those clippers in my possession is a threat to the security of the aircraft then by all means keep them, but we dont have time to personally take them outside.

TSA: Not my problem, you should have thought of that before you tried sneaking contraband on my plane.

Me: You do remember a few minutes ago when you and I counted out 45 rounds of 9mm ammunition right?

TSA: So?

LOL – She really thought they were a threat?

Me: Well, in a pinch, I’m gonna say odds are pretty good, given my available options, the last thing I’d use to assert control over an entire plane is the 1 inch nail clippers of doom. In fact, if I found myself left with no other options outside of the death clippers, I’d just call the whole thing off.

(Btw, partner has been loosing his mind ever since he realized she was dead serious. He’s not as quietly as he thinks he is, snorting, gasping, laughing on the other side of her x-ray belt.)

TSA: I don’t know what to tell you, I’m not throwing them away for you, and I sure as hell ain’t letting you board my plane with ’em.

Me: Ma’am, maybe we can just step back and take a logical look at the situation.

We need to board our flight, nobody can step foot onto that plane until we get our inmate on and secured.

I am a federal officer.

My partner and I really dont want to draw any more attention to ourselves than necessary, for our safety and yours.

I have a firearm and 45 rounds on my person, surely if I can be trusted with that, I can be trusted with the clippers, and I promise to dispose of them as soon as we land so it will never be an issue again.

TSA: I don’t know who you think your talking to, but it ain’t me. I said take them and go.

She felt as tho this was a mic drop moment as she said her piece and proceeded to back away, fold her arms, and stare at me.

So I just start laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

I’m surprised the TSA agent didn’t try to tackle them.

I grab the clippers put them in my front pocket, tell partner lets go.

We go get our inmate and start shuffling him to the front.

Partner is on the phone with LT. and Capt. Telling them whats been going on.

They cant believe it and are angry.

We’re being paged to come to gate X to board.

I get out of TSA lady sight, and approach different TSA security lady, ask her to get a supervisor for me, as we have an issue with our Transport, and show her my red card.

She calls supervisor with some kind of get your butt here now code, because within seconds supervisor is jogging up to us.

I ask him if he can kindly call Gate X for flight Y and let them know they’re going to be delayed approximately an hour because I cannot dispose of my contraband nail clippers within the airport.

He looks at me like a confused puppy, head tilt and everything and says huh?

While eyeing my weapon I tell him, I’m very sorry, I didn’t realize i had clippers in my bag, your TSA Agent was very clear that no exceptions could be made, and I am required to remove them from the premises before we can board.

I bet the supervisor was more than annoyed with that TSA Agent.

Unless of course, if you wouldn’t mind, could you possibly help me out so we don’t have to escort him (nodded towards inmate) back through the airport?

I pull the instrument of doom from my pocket and offer them to him.

Well to wrap this up finally.

Supervisor takes clippers, says he’ll address this, gives us a ride on the cart to our gate, we board and the rest of the trip was uneventful, less the non-stop “hilarious” quips my partner was dishing out the whole time.

He told the story to everyone we met on that trip.

Warden even heard about it and brought us into his office so he could hear the story first hand.

Everyone thought it was funny, after the fact.

Wow, this TSA agent really thought she was keeping people safe, huh?

Let’s see what the people in the comments say about this weird situation.

And yet they think they are helping improve safety.

Their rules are crazy.

They are all but useless.

Sounds like the Australian system is better.

Come on, make it make sense.

The TSA is one of the most useless of federal agencies.

And that’s saying something.

If you liked that post, check out this one about an employee that got revenge on HR when they refused to reimburse his travel.