Sometimes, what looks like generosity can veer dangerously close to a means of control.

That may be what’s happening in this story.

While a young man is initially excited about his parents’ help, he is getting more and more suspicious that there’s an ulterior motive. Would he be wrong to choose independence and possibly hurt his parents’ feelings?

Let’s read all the details.

AITAH for not moving into a house my parents bought for my brother and I to go to college?

I (M20) and my gf (F20) had been considering moving to a nearby larger city to be closer to some good friends and have more of a scene for younger people.

Turns out my brother (m17) was planning on going to college in the same city.

Then, plans changed:

When I dropped out of community college last school year my parents (both in the 50s) were so desperate for me to go to school they offered to pay my gf and my rent in any city as long as we were going to school.

When we brought up moving to the city, my gf mentioned she was considering going trade school and my parents completely jumped on the idea.

They pushed me to go to school as well and I made to jump decision to possibly go to a different trade school.

Now we’re a month from the original conversation and my parents have almost closed on a house they expect me, my gf, and my brother to live in.

The opportunity is amazing and not something I really expected.

And they changed again:

Now, however, the entire agreement has changed including dictating what room we will have, the spaces that we take up, and we will be having to pay rent.

My parents have made so many plans for the different rooms in the house that they seem to have completely neglected any of our actual needs or having any space for the items/furniture we already have

Is any of this worth it?

I can start an apprenticeship in the field I’m interested in that will take way less time than going to school for the same qualifications and my gf is in a spot where she can get grants to cover her schooling.

We are honestly valuing more independence and space than just having rent partially covered.

It’s a pretty nice house, brand new, but that doesn’t mean much if we don’t get to use it or truly live in it.

I don’t want to disappoint them by changing my mind but it seems like buying a big fancy house was almost a ploy into controlling my life again (I moved out about 6 months ago after disagreements following my dropping out of community college).

Negotiations have already broken down.

I’ve attempted to have a conversation to negotiate just having a bigger bedroom considering there is two of us, a cat, and we both have decent sized collections of books, vinyls, music equipment, and art.

These conversations usually result in them blaming my gf saying that she is demanding too much and that I need to tell remind her of all the positives (?) to which I remind them that it’s me coming to them expressing my feelings to no avail.

Am I the [jerk]?

That does sound like a big decision. What’s more important, independence or a new house?

Let’s see what people on Reddit had to say in the comments.

This person wouldn’t move into the parents’ house.

Better safe and poor than sorry:

The consensus was unanimous:

A little struggle is just fine:

Your parents may love ya, but they don’t deserve to control ya.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.