The holidays are time for families to come together and celebrate.

But that’s not always how it goes down, and when your significant other ends up left out in the cold, it’s time to choose a side.

In this story, a day of thanks turns into a day of no thanks.

Let’s dig in.

WIBTA if I invite my boyfriend to stay with me over Thanksgiving even though my family isn’t including him at dinner?

My (28F) family is having Thanksgiving in my city, since both I and a distant relative (let’s call her Lucy, 80F) and her kids live here.

Our extended family is very small, so even distant relatives are close.

We’re doing it at a restaurant.

Fairly traditional setup.

My boyfriend of two years (28M) lives about an hour from me, and across the country from his parents.

He’s going to be too busy with work to go all the way to his parents’ house and back, so I asked if he could have dinner with us.

(If it’s relevant, my parents have met him a number of times, so he’s not a stranger).

I asked my parents first (making clear that I totally understood if they only wanted family at this dinner so they wouldn’t feel bad about saying no), and they said they were fine with it if Lucy was.

Seems like a warm welcome for a significant other, right?

I then asked Lucy, and she said she was happy to include him.

She made a strange comment about my father probably only wanting family present, but I assured her that I’d already asked him and he was fine with it.

I told my boyfriend that he could come.

A few days later, Lucy texted me saying that my father (63M) told her that he didn’t want any non-family present (no other partners are coming) and that he’d never heard anything about my boyfriend coming.

Wrong.

This was, of course, a lie on his part.

I texted back that I respect the decision, and it was probably just a misunderstanding.

In fact, though, there’s no way it was a misunderstanding.

I think my father changed his mind (or maybe he thought Lucy was going to say no anyway and panicked when she said yes), but instead of just talking to me about it, he went behind my back.

This is the sort of thing he does.

Manipulative tactics are never comfortable.

Obviously, my boyfriend is the real victim in this, because I had to uninvite him, and that of course hurt his feelings.

I told him that if he wanted to, he could of course still come stay at my place over the holiday (my parents are staying in a hotel, not with me) so he wouldn’t have to be alone.

Although I would understand if he didn’t want to be anywhere near.

He said he’d still come.

Good to still attempt inclusivity on turkey day.

We agreed that deep down we both kind of want my parents to find out that he’s here so my father will feel bad for uninviting him from dinner, but we’re definitely not going to make a big deal about it.

I talked to an older friend about this whole situation, and she said he shouldn’t come, and that I shouldn’t try to guilt my parents.

Will we be the jerks here if he does come?

I know ultimately it’s up to him–he was the one who was hurt–but I’m just trying to get some clarity here.

My feelings would be hurt if I were this boyfriend too.

What do the comments think?

One user says, mild case of YTA.

Someone else says, you’re almost 30, act like it.

Another poster agrees, mild YTA.

This poster says, communication is key.

Someone else says YTA but to the BF, not the family.

This Turkey Day didn’t leave anyone feeling grateful.

They probably still felt bloated, though.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.