When shopping for a new house, it is important to ensure that you and your spouse are on the same page when it comes to the types of things that you are looking for.

What would you do if you wanted a home with enough room where family members could come and visit, but your husband said he didn’t want your parents staying with you?

That is the situation the wife in this story is in. Are her expectations unreasonable or is he the one who is being unreasonable?

Let’s read the whole story to find out.

AITA my husband doesn’t think having parents to stay should be a house buying consideration

I (41F) live with my husband (45M) in a UK seaside holiday destination.

We’ve been looking to move house for a couple of years and I thought we had similar considerations.

This sounds like a very lovely home.

We currently have a 3 bed semi-detached and have been looking to move to similar sized house closer to both my work, where my husband likes to play golf and the sea.

Ideally with a bigger garden.

We were talking about our house considerations today and spiraled in an argument over my ‘dream’ of having a house where our extended family could come for beach holidays, even while we’re working.

My husband is an introvert who works remotely.

I am an ambivert, who can only work 1 day a week remote.

This is just a dream scenario, not even something currently possible.

So, this dream of mine would mean having a house where he could be at work undisturbed by any family who might come to stay.

I was thinking garden office or something like that.

We’ve talked about this sort of thing before but I didn’t realize he had a problem with my parents staying.

He’s said he’s fine with either of our siblings and their family staying whenever as they’ll be out in the day.

It’s a different story when it comes to her parents.

But he doesn’t want my parents in the house while he’s working (his live 5min away, mine 3.5hrs).

For context my parents did walk behind him on a video call once (he was in the kitchen instead of his office) and rang the doorbell after I asked them not to when I was on one another time (I had given them a key), so he says he doesn’t trust them not to interrupt him.

They might be a bit forgetful but they’ve never gone out of their way to disturb.

The few times I can recall have been accidents.

Why can’t he just work in his office?

He says that having a dream where my parents can come to stay whenever they like while he’s wfh and I’m out at the office means I’m only happy when he’s being made uncomfortable.

To be clear they wouldn’t be coming unannounced or anything like that – my example is: there’s a heatwave forecast and I can’t take the time off but they want to come down to the beach.

After arguing for a while he said he could get a wework if they came to stay so we don’t need to move for me to have my dream and it shouldn’t be consideration.

But I don’t don’t want him to be uncomfortable or have to leave the house, that’s why I thought it might be possible in the next house as this one’s too small.

These seem pretty minor things to fight about.

The 2 main things we’re arguing about and the reason I’m here are:

1. He said buying a house with other people in mind is stupid. I agree, I shouldn’t have said it was priority and have apologized. I clarified that I want us to find a house that’s perfect for our needs, and then share it with the people we love. We’re fortunate to live in a holiday destination and I’d love to share that good fortune, particularly with my parents while they’re still alive (they’re in their 70s).
2. He can’t understand why I’d want my parents to stay while I’m out working in the day. That it’s not really spending time with them. He thinks my reasoning is irrational and that if I tried to explain to anyone they agree with him. So here goes… While most of the time I can take days off when my parents visit, they’re retired and could visit more often. It’s a long drive so them coming for a longer stay less often makes it more worth it for them and less tiring (a week instead of a weekend – not weeks/months). For me it would give the illusion of them living nearby for a while. I know this part sounds silly, but I like the idea of them being around after work. I’d rather see them all day, but seeing them after work a bit more often would make it feel like they were closer by.

Is it possible to find a realistic compromise?

It’s an unfortunate argument because the situation itself is an edge case, most of the time I’d be around.

I’m super sad we’re on such different pages and I don’t appreciate being told I’m stupid and irrational for wanting my parents to visit more even when we’re working.

So AITA? And how can I approach a compromise?

For example, I realize based on this that I’ll never have my actual dream of a holiday home for family, but rather than a hard no, I’d prefer that we have a conversation if the situation should arise. That sort of thing.

AITA?

It seems very reasonable to have that as a desire when making a dream home.

Let’s see what the people in the comments on Reddit say about it.

It could be annoying to have visitors over while working from home.

Here is someone who says the wife is wrong.

Here is someone who says the home is the husband’s safe space.

This person says the husband is right.

This person suggests that the parents buy a home in the area.

These two need to get on the same page before buying a new house.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.