When her husband’s forgetfulness and chaotic energy clashed with her Type-A personality, this woman quietly started using ADHD strategies to help things run more smoothly.

The kicker? It worked.

But when she accidentally revealed what she’d been doing, he wasn’t exactly thrilled.

AITA for acting like my husband has ADHD?

My husband (30M) and I (28F) are very different. I’m very detailed, have a highly accurate memory, like things scheduled/planned out, etc.

He is spontaneous, forgetful, hates following plans, etc.

We’ve overcome a lot of our differences and helped each other in many ways in terms of loosening up (me) and focusing in (him).

However, there are a few things that still cause fights and frustration.

I chalked his stuff up to personality/upbringing… until I started learning more about ADHD and how it presents in adults, particularly adult men.

I’m not going to get into heavy description because that’s not the point, but suffice to say, I realized he could very well have ADHD.

I brought it up in a joking manner once, and he immediately shut it down, saying he doesn’t believe in that stuff and he would never want to get “diagnosed.”

(I think it stems from insecurity, his family has a lot of stigma around mental health/wellness/neurodivergence.)

Oh most certainly.

However, I started implementing some strategies I learned about that people with ADHD may use to be more successful in domestic life and tasks.

And… they worked really well for him.

It helped me a lot too to understand he might really be experiencing things differently than me and his brain might be responding favorably to these other ways of doing things, instead of getting frustrated thinking he’s being forgetful, lazy, distracted, etc.

I don’t know whether he does or doesn’t have ADHD; all I know is these strategies help a lot in our daily shared life (and his work life!) and he’s even remarked how much more helpful this way of doing this is.

Sounds pretty likely.

Unfortunately, last night I let it slip that I was acting like he has ADHD.

He got really hurt and upset, and said that it “wasn’t fair to pretend there’s something wrong with him to get what I want.”

That wasn’t my intention at all, but I can see it being taken that way.

So, AITA?

Helping your partner succeed = good.

Secretly diagnosing them with a mental health condition = not so good.

Even if she meant well, it’s no surprise he felt hurt. But was she really an AH?

This person says the fact that she’s helping, despite why, makes her NTA.

This one also says NTA, but has some faults on Hubby here.

This one says everyone stinks…him for rolling his eyes, and her for treating him like an “experiment.”

Accidental therapist vibes: helpful in practice, insulting in theory.

This might not have been the best choice.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.