She bought her first car. Then she hit a deer.

And while she was dealing with the mess of paying off a totaled vehicle, her sister’s husband had one question: “Did you learn your lesson?”

Between his condescending comments, a nasty text calling her “stupid,” and her own sister failing to stand up for her, the whole situation left her feeling humiliated and betrayed.

Now the wedding’s coming up, and she’s the maid of honor—but she’d rather be anywhere else.
Read on for the story.

AITA For not wanting to go to my sister’s wedding?

So, here’s the situation.

My sister (20) F got legally married at the courthouse back in August of last year for the benefits her husbands job offers.

Now, she’s planning a traditional wedding ceremony and reception, and I’m (24) F supposed to be her maid of honor.

The problem is…I really don’t want to go.

The main reason is that I don’t feel respected by either her or her husband, and that makes it hard to want to be part of their big day.

Fair.

Last year, I bought my first car—a 2021 Kia—in April.

I was offered gap insurance, but it would’ve added $200 to my monthly payment, making it $600/month, which just wasn’t realistic for me.

Six months later, I hit a deer and the car was totaled. Because I didn’t have gap, I had to pay $5,000 out of pocket to cover the rest of the loan.

Thankfully, I had savings, so I paid it off and moved on.

I never put a down payment on the car, so I just looked at it like that $5,000 was the down payment in the end.

A few days after everything happened, my sister was at my house and her husband was on the phone with her.

He asked if I had “learned my lesson.”

I said I didn’t really think there was a lesson—I lost a car and paid it off.

Yeah, relax.

He said I should’ve gotten gap and basically implied it was common sense.

I tried to just shut the conversation down by saying, “Yeah, I’ll definitely look into gap next time,” but the whole thing rubbed me the wrong way.

It felt condescending.

For context: he’s in the military, and ever since he joined, he acts like he’s better than everyone else.

He constantly talks about how grown up and disciplined he is compared to the rest of us.

A lot of our high school friends still live with their parents (except my boyfriend and me), and he makes these comments about how staying in our home town means we haven’t really “grown up.”

It’s constant judgment, like he’s above us just because of his career path.

Rude much?

Later that day, my sister was showing me something on her phone and accidentally scrolled too far up in her texts with him.

I saw a message where he basically called me “stupid” for not getting gap insurance, said it doesn’t even cost that much—maybe $400 one time through regular insurance—and kept going on about how I should’ve known better.

But what really hurt was my sister’s response: just “idk.”

That absolutely crushed me.

It wasn’t just what he said—it was that she didn’t defend me.

Not even a “that’s not fair” or “she did what she thought was right.” Just “idk.”

In that moment, it felt like she chose him over me.

She let him talk down to me like I was an idiot, and instead of standing up for me, she basically shrugged it off.

It made me question how much she really respects or values me, especially since I’ve always tried to support her in everything.

Oof, what a gut punch.

After that, I stopped talking to both of them.

Months later, they each reached out and apologized, but honestly, it felt too little too late. He said what he said because that’s how he actually feels.

And her silence still speaks louder to me than any apology ever could.

Now the wedding is coming up.

I’ve agreed to be her maid of honor because I know it’s important to her, and I don’t want to cause drama.

But deep down, I really don’t want to be there.

I feel disconnected, disrespected, and honestly like an outsider in her life now.

I’ll go because I made a promise, but I can’t help how I feel.

So—AITA for not wanting to go to my sister’s wedding, even though I’ve already agreed to be in it?

Some commenters didn’t blame her one bit for feeling hurt and distant, but some thought she should stick to her word, despite the drama.

This person says she shouldn’t back out, and also shouldn’t hold a grudge THAT long.

This person says to suck up the wedding, and then carry on her own way.

This person says it’s fine to be mad, but maybe, take a breath.

Hard to throw confetti when you’re choking on resentment…

It’s probably best to take a break.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a daughter who invited herself to her parents’ 40th anniversary vacation for all the wrong reasons.