When two people live in a home, there’s usually double the mess.

So any contribution is appreciated.

In this man’s case, though, her girlfriend hasn’t been able to help, since she is struggling with depression.

He tried asking her and inviting her to clean with him, but she got upset.

Now he’s wondering if he’s in the wrong for asking this of her.

Read the story and see how things unfolded.

AITA For Asking My Depressed Girlfriend To Help Me Clean?

So to explain, my girlfriend has severe anxiety and depression and I’ve always supported her through her low points for years.

I understand what depression can do to a person and how all consuming it can be.

I would of course, never blame someone for that.

However, she was fired from her job about a year ago and it was really really hard on her.

They had an arrangement, but she’s dropping the ball.

Eventually, we decided that I would work and support us financially for the time being, and she would handle housework and such, at least until she felt like she wanted to get back out there.

Things were good for awhile until recently.

For the last 2-3 months she’s been avoiding housework entirely.

Laundry doesn’t get done, she makes meals maybe once a week or two, the dishes don’t get done, she leaves a mess everywhere such as cereal bowls or plates all around, soda cans, dirty clothes. etc.

He understands she is struggling, but it has been hard on him as well.

Keep in mind she is at home 24/7 unless out with friends and we have no kids or pets.

She has no responsibilities other than this.

When I come home, I’m very exhausted and it’s frustrating having to constantly clean up after her.

I usually end up doing the chores myself and then asking her to please remember to do them next time and she always shrugs it off saying she will next time, but never does.

She is basically lying to him, and maybe to herself. So he tried another approach.

So recently, instead of pushing her to do the work herself, I talked to her and told her that I understand how she’s feeling and that maybe it would help her feel motivated if she cleaned up alongside me.

Like we could both clean up together so she doesn’t feel so pressured or alone.

But she just yelled at me, accusing me of trying to manipulate her and saying that I’m making her feel worse and am belittling and infantilizing her.

Now he feels bad for asking.

It was hard to hear but I don’t know what else to do atm.

Yes, in the broadest sense I was manipulating her to clean I guess but I thought that offering to clean with her and do it together was thoughtful and would actually help her feel better about it.

But the way things are going is making me feel resentment towards her everyday that I come home and have to shoulder all the burden and I love her, so I hate feeling this way.

I don’t know what else to do.

AITA?

Her refusal to do something about the situation is driving them apart.

Let’s see if Reddit has any insight into this situation.

A reader shares their thoughts.

This commenter shares their perspective.

This commenter offers another perspective.

This person keeps it short.

Another reader chimes in.

Sounds like the good kind of manipulation.

It’s great that he’s compassionate and is trying to help her as well as he can.

But she needs to understand she needs to help herself – and him – as well.

If you liked this post, you might want to read this story about a teacher who taught the school’s administration a lesson after they made a sick kid take a final exam.