Many parents decide to name their children after another family member, such as a grandparent.

What would you do if you were named after your grandmother, but your dad also wanted you to act just like her?

That is what happened to the woman in this story, but now that she is an adult, she is trying to become her own person, which is making her father upset.

Let’s read the whole story.

AITAH for telling my dad I’m changing my name and that I don’t exist to be the reincarnation of his mother?

1 month before my mom discovered she was pregnant with me, my grandmother (dad’s mom) passed away.

When my parents found out I was a girl, my dad insisted they name me after my grandmother.

As I got older, it became clear I look very much like my grandmother.

As a kid, the references and comparisons were nice. I enjoyed hearing stories about my grandma. The comparisons were always complementary.

Kids always do some things they shouldn’t.

And then I hit my later teen years. I started doing some things that my family didn’t agree with.

I chose a college/career path that my dad was not fond of.

He began comparing me to my grandmother, but not in a good way. He made it clear I had to live up to her legacy.

Guilt tripping is not a good way to parent.

He said I was going to let her down if I didn’t do things the way she had.

I was freaked out by this and refused to change what I was doing. And then it continued.

I grew out of certain hobbies and was scolded by my dad and his brothers because “your grandma enjoyed those”.

This is not at all healthy.

I’d say I didn’t anymore, and they’d insist I had to like them because I was “just like her”.

That honestly made me even more done with the hobbies.

Before it was because I simply lost interest and gained new ones. Now, it was because I didn’t want to do anything she had, because clearly it’d be held over me for life.

The parents need to let this idea go.

When I was in college, I cut my hair differently and again, they had a freak out.

It was at this point that I entered therapy and realized, for years, they had basically been treating me like the reincarnation of their mother.

My dad had warped my entire identity to match his mother’s.

I would bet that this was painful and difficult.

I started questioning if I really liked certain things, if my dad really loved me for me. So, I started exploring myself, trying new things.

My dad continued to get upset.

Potentially the biggest upset is when I started going by a shortened version of my name. My full name is Lorraine, but I started going by Rain (some friends had called me this in high school and college as a nickname but I fully embraced it).

They don’t have to use the name, but others can.

My dad and his brothers refused to call me that, and would get upset if anyone did.

Then I dyed my hair.

I still look like her in the face, but my hair was constantly compared to hers, and I know it was a kick to my dad and uncles.

Hopefully they will realize that what they were doing is unhealthy.

I explained why I was doing all of this and they called me dramatic, but the comparisons never stopped.

Now, I’m 27 and I’m getting married next year.

My dad recently asked me if I was going to change my last name.

Of course she will change her name.

I said yes.

He begged me to keep it because even though I go by “Rain” now, my full, government name is the exact same as my grandmother’s.

I said I wanted to have the same last name as my husband and any future children we shared.

Her family really pushed her to this decision.

I also told him I was using this as an excuse to change my first name legally to Rain. I’ll keep my middle name, which again, I share with my grandmother.

My dad was very upset and told me I was being spiteful.

I said I’m not being spiteful, I’m trying to reclaim my own identity.

She is establishing herself as her own person.

I pointed out to him that I don’t exist to be the reincarnation of his mother and that maybe if he hadn’t pushed the identity so hard on me, I wouldn’t feel like I have to do this.

He got even more upset and said maybe one day I’ll understand how it feels when he’s dead.

He is acting insane about this.

He hasn’t spoken to me in a few days and my mom says I hurt his feelings.

She feels like I shouldn’t have told him I was changing my first name legally and I shouldn’t have said all of what I did.

My fiancé is on my side.

AITA?

No way, dad is being crazy about this. It is one thing to want to love and honor your mother, but what he is doing is way out of line.

Read on to see what the people in the comments on Reddit have to say about it.

This commenter loves her new name.

Ouch, this would show him.

Exactly, he is ruining the relationship.

This might make him think.

She is her own person, not a walking memorial.

Dad has an unhealthy relationship with his deceased mother.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.