This doctoral graduate thought the biggest challenge of finishing her degree would be surviving years of school and pandemic-era burnout.

Instead, the real final exam came from her extended family, who expected her graduation weekend to double as their fully funded Miami getaway.

When she couldn’t afford to bankroll a beachfront Airbnb and casino-access trip, the celebration spiraled into accusations, drama, and a very bitter family group chat.

Now she’s wondering how a diploma turned into a full-on family feud.

AITAH for not paying for my extended family to attend my doctoral graduation

I (F30) graduated with my doctorate LAST year after years of school and studying during the pandemic.

My graduate school was in Miami with a honor society brunch Friday, commencement Saturday, plus a pre-paid beach photoshoot I booked months in advance it was going to be a weekend full of events.

Earlier that year, my cousin (F22) graduated states away. I couldn’t afford airfare, my car could not make that drive, but I sent a gift and watched her graduation online.

Her dad got an airbnb for his parents, wife/my aunt (F58), their kids, my mother and her mom/our grandmother (my mom helped pitch in cost even as she and her mom/my grandmother shared a room). Apparently, they assumed we’d repeat that arrangement for my graduation.

Uh oh…

Because they would have to pay to fly to Miami they refused to pitch in for an airbnb in Miami-dade area which was easily 3x more expensive then what they rented in Alabama for my cousin’s graduation.

My uncle could not attend and stay with my younger cousins so it would only be my grandmother, my aunt and her older daughter/my F22 cousin. My aunt and grandma wanted their own rooms, walking-distance to a beach, and close to a casino.

Meanwhile, neither my credit card nor my mom’s combined could cover a Miami-area Airbnb for 5 adults by ourselves for what THEY wanted.

Well that’s not right.

I found a 1 bath, 3-bedroom split house 25 minutes from campus. I was going to share a bed with my mom.

The cost only required them to contribute about $80 each, me too, and my cousin $50 for the initial deposit and the rest could be on my mom’s credit card.

They hated the airbnb as it was too “residential,” not beachfront, and 1.5 hours away from the casino they wanted. Given that they wanted to use my car on the trip this was the best option so that I could uber to brunch and my graduation photoshoot.

This just keeps getting worse.

On top of that, my cousin had bought concert tickets for herself and my aunt days after my graduation and asked me to extend the Airbnb to accommodate them.

This blew my mind! I made arrangements for Thursday to Monday and driving 10 hour back home with my mom. I could not pay to extent the airbnb for THEIR concert later that week on Thursday. Said they should get their own place after Monday if THEY were staying longer.

I was told I was being self-absorbed, inconsiderate and acting like an snob?! But I don’t even live in Miami anymore since I’ve been elsewhere for clinicals and attending courses virtually the last two semesters. I’m not staying longer than what I can afford now.

Absolutely not.

After weeks of arguing about the location of the airbnb, I told them they were welcome to attend my graduation, but I would only be booking accommodations for my mom and me ONLY. They could plan their own vacation, hotel, transportation, etc for the 3 of them.

In the end, none of them came…they sold those concert tickets and skipped my graduation entirely. My cousins and uncle watched my graduation online.

The family group chat hated my graduation pictures with my graduation gown on the beach and said I was embarrassing them.

My therapist suggested I unfriend my aunt, grandmother and godparents on social media after that.

Wowwww.

Months later at my Aunt’s at Christmas ’24, my aunt shopped for the family as my uncle works full time and she didn’t get me anything because I was “on the naughty list for canceling her Miami vacation.”

My uncle was horrified and apologized. I helped clean up after everyone opened THEIR presents (I had gifts from my mom and older cousin), gathered my things, said goodbye to my cousins and left.

I’m frustrated and hurt but grandmother and aunt insists I was selfish and made the trip “impossible” for them?!

How dramatic.

I genuinely just wanted to celebrate my graduation but couldn’t afford to bankroll a 5+ day Miami vacation for multiple adults.

I am not invited to Thanksgiving dinner this week nor Christmas this year to limit the “drama” because of my decision relating to the airbnb?

AITA?

Reddit might be the only place left to tell her whether she truly mishandled the situation or if her family failed the assignment. The verdict? She did nothing wrong.

This person says they are selfish.

This person says they have it alllll wrong.

And this person has some solid advice.

Looks like the only degree her family wanted was in all-inclusive entitlement.

If you liked that story, read this one about grandparents who set up a college fund for their grandkid because his parents won’t, but then his parents want to use the money to cover sibling’s medical expenses.