The complexities of adult birthday parties are some of the best fodder for online discourse.

How would you handle your best friend slacking on your birthday plans after you went over the top for theirs? One woman recently looked for reassurance on Reddit for exactly this.

Here are the details.

AITA if I don’t spend my birthday with my bestfriend

I (29F) live with my best friend (26M).

We’ve been friends for almost 2 years now.

We spend every day together.

They sound like cartoon characters.

On his birthday, I surprised him with the whole trendy morning birthday surprise.

I set up balloons, a cake, a card and a gift in an aesthetic way for him to wake up to.

I surprised him with a day trip up north to go do a few hikes he’s said he’s wanted to do.

Sounds like a friend who pays attention.

I paid for everything and even drove.

Fed him all day and blew out candles with him at the end of the night.

He didn’t ask me to do any of it.

Seems like she did this out of the kindness of her heart.

He would’ve been fine without it, but he did express how grateful he was and that it was his favorite birthday.

Well…my birthday is in 5 days.

I know he hasn’t bought any presents yet.

A little strange that she would know that.

He doesn’t plan ahead.

Any time we go out to eat or hangout I’m constantly picking where we go bc he wants me to.

Even when I tell him it’s his big day and he should decide, he will still have me pick.

Quirky, but not necessarily inconsiderate.

He will typically pay, but I always try to pay for myself.

Occasionally, he’ll let me pay.

He says it’s embarrassing if I’m the one to pay when he is the male.

That one is a little strange.

Kinda weird about that.

It’s caused some fights, so I just let him now.

He also has a lot of food restrictions, so it makes it hard on me to have to pick.

These two have quite the interesting dynamic.

I also hate to always be the one to plan every single thing we do.

I’m afraid when my birthday comes I will wake up to nothing.

I will still have to pick everything we do and he won’t get me a cake.

This sounds more likely than not.

Am I an AH for expecting him to do any of this without asking him specifically to?

I’ve told him in the past what I expect and hint at things I would want as a gift.

He’s asked me for a birthday present list, but I want him to put some effort into it.

Is she sure they’re just friends?

I would like him to try to remember what I’ve said I’ve needed/wanted.

I feel like it takes the fun out of being surprised if I just ask for exactly what I want and I get exactly what I want.

Maybe I’m the weird one about that.

That could certainly be the case.

I bought myself my own birthday present which was a new pair of sneakers.

I showed them to him and told him they were my birthday present to myself… he kinda “acted” like “ahh man huh okay” as IF he got me the same pair or something similar.

I know he didn’t though.

These two need some space from one another.

He’s a very good actor and it felt a little more like he forgot my birthday was this week and was trying to cover up with him “possibly” having got the same/similar thing for me.

I’m afraid none of it will happen and I will be very sad on my birthday.

I have other great friends who want to take me out and would I be the even bigger AH if he doesn’t plan or get me anything to just not do anything with him then and just go out with my friends who did plan something for me?

Well, that’s not a situation you hear of every day. Let’s see how Reddit weighed in.

The comments immediately pointed out the obvious.

Though some were kinder about it than others.

One person was able to relate.

And another put things into perspective.

The only thing she’s getting for her birthday is a wake-up call.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.