It goes without saying that etiquette has changed rather a lot over the years.

No longer do outdated notions of gender expectations (men paying on a date, for example) apply; nor do we typically enforce archaic rules around particular clothing.

However, for the older generations especially, old-fashioned conventions can still ring true – as the father in this story found out to his detriment.

Read on to find out what happened.

AITA for not writing thank you notes?

I am a 35-year-old father of three daughters aged twelve, ten and eight.

Recently, my mom (68) asked me why I don’t make my kids write thank you notes.

It’s not the first time that she has brought it up and you can tell that she has… feelings, about it.

Growing up, my parents made both my sister and I write thank you notes, but the last time I chose to do this of my own accord was for my wedding back in 2012.

Let’s see why he has stopped writing thank you notes.

This had been an intentional choice on my part.

Gratitude is nice and both my wife and I seek to always say thank you, and have trained our kids to do so, for everything, whether it’s a home cooked meal, Xmas presents, shared lodging on a trip (all of which have been “gifts” given by my parents).

However, I struggle with the ethic of thinking you are “owed” a thank you note for gifts.

In my mind, a gift is a gift, and if you give it with ANY level of expectation back, it cheapens the spirit of loving gift-giving.

However, this opinion is causing problems within his family.

At Christmas, we exchanged gifts with my parents, with us buying gifts for them and my grandfather, and them buying things for us and the kids.

My parents wrote a thank you note for our gifts (years ago, I told them I did not feel they need to do that but they continue to do so).

I want to believe that this is just a difference of social etiquette beliefs, in which case they can feel how they want and I can feel how I want, but I want to make sure I’m not in the wrong here.

AITA?

Thank you notes are certainly a nicety, and one that held a significant place in etiquette of the past.

But nowadays, thank you notes are much less common – for better or for worse.

And if this man and his wife are saying thank you – and encouraging their daughters to do the same – it really is up to them how they do it.

Let’s see what the Reddit community made of this.

This person explained how the etiquette of thank you notes was actually supposed to work.

While others outlined nice reasons to send these notes to the older generation.

However, this Redditor thought that their in-person thank yous should more than suffice.

Sure it might be important to this man’s mother, but for the father in question, sincere, heartfelt, in-person thank yous are more precious than forced ones.

Neither is technically wrong, but both need to respect the other’s opinions – and as long as the girls are being raised to be polite and grateful for the things they receive, that should be all that matters.

Sometimes, real gratitude looks different to the etiquette books.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check this one out about a man who created a points system for his inheritance, and a family friend ends up getting almost all of it.