They Planned a Family Trip for a 60th Birthday. One Couple Added Two More People Without Asking
A milestone birthday trip planned specifically around family time sounds pretty straightforward—until someone starts expanding the guest list.
One couple was preparing to travel with extended family to celebrate OP’s sister-in-law’s 60th birthday when their adult daughter invited two longtime friends along. OP didn’t see a major issue: the friends would pay their own way, stay at OP’s separate accommodations, and entertain themselves whenever the family had birthday plans.
But his sister-in-law saw things very differently. She felt a trip she’d specifically planned to celebrate her birthday with family was being changed without her input—and things only got worse when OP encouraged his wife to make it clear they were “informing” her about the extra guests, not asking permission.
AITAH for letting my adult daughter bring two friends on SIL 60th birthday trip?
My wife and I are going on a family trip for my sister-in-law’s milestone birthday. The trip was planned because she wanted to celebrate with family.
My wife’s parents are going too, along with my SIL, her adult son, and his girlfriend.
My wife and I booked our own flights and a separate place to stay. After that my wife’s parents then offered to help pay for our travel and lodging, which we appreciated.
How nice of them.
Our adult daughter is also coming. At some point, she invited two longtime friends. They are staying with us, not with my SIL, and paying their own way. We never expected my SIL to host them, pay for them, include them in every activity, or adjust her lodging.
My SIL’s rental has a strict visitor limit, and she wanted to host a birthday gathering there. She was worried that adding two more people could cause problems with the rental rules.
We were fine with making sure there were no occupancy issues and having our daughter’s friends do their own thing during family events.
Perfect.
Here is where I may have made it worse. Early on, I encouraged my wife to stand up for our daughter and say something like, “I’m not asking your permission for her friends. I’m informing you that they are staying with us.” In hindsight, I can see how that sounded dismissive, especially since my SIL felt the whole point of the trip was her birthday with family.
After that, my SIL said that once our “headcount” grew and our group’s focus changed, her trip goals changed too.
She booked activities based on what she wanted and said she would have to figure out when/if we could spend time together.
Well, this was not the plan.
I later clarified that the birthday/family plans were for me, my wife, and our daughter, and that our daughter’s friends could do their own thing.
My SIL did not take that well. She said the whole trip itself was the her birthday, that her clearly stated wish was to celebrate with family, and that she felt my wife had hijacked the trip and disregarded her wishes.
Things escalated between my wife and her sister. My SIL eventually sent activity details and said all five people in our party were welcome to join activities, except gatherings at her rental because of the visitor limit. By that point those excursions were sold out. But she also said she had lost trust and respect for my wife and would only be genuinely warm to everyone else.
Woof.
From my perspective, our daughter’s friends being in the same destination does not mean my SIL has to include them in anything.
They are staying with us and can do their own thing. We still plan to celebrate my SIL and join family events where possible.
So, AITAH for letting my adult daughter bring two friends on this trip? And did I make it worse by encouraging the “informing you, not asking permission” framing?
The responses leaned toward YTA, though commenters felt the two friends themselves weren’t necessarily the biggest problem.
On a normal family vacation, readers agreed that OP wouldn’t need his sister-in-law’s permission to have other people staying in accommodations he booked himself. But this wasn’t presented as a regular vacation where everyone happened to be visiting the same destination. It was specifically organized as a family trip for the SIL’s 60th birthday, and commenters understood why she felt the dynamic changed when additional people were invited.
Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.
The “I’m informing you, not asking permission” approach received even more criticism. Readers felt it unnecessarily turned a logistical conversation into a power struggle and dismissed the SIL’s feelings about a trip that was supposed to be celebrating her. The fact that OP’s in-laws had also offered to help pay for his family’s travel and lodging made that attitude land particularly poorly for some.
Others thought the SIL’s response eventually became overly personal, particularly saying she’d lost respect for OP’s wife and would only be warm toward everyone else. But commenters still felt the original disagreement could have been avoided with a much more collaborative conversation before the friends were invited.
Ultimately, readers felt this wasn’t really about whether two adults were technically allowed to vacation in the same place. It was about changing the feel of someone else’s milestone birthday trip and then telling the birthday girl she didn’t get a say.
This person says he changed the vibe of the trip.
This person agrees this was very rude.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a mom who can’t figure out why her babysitter quit after what she thought was a routine question.
And this person called OP super selfish.
Technically, the birthday girl couldn’t control the guest list—but reminding her of that was a great way to make her feel like it wasn’t her trip anymore.
Enjoyed this story?
Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.
