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Whatever age you are when you have your first child, you’re never going to actually feel fully prepared. You might think that you are fully prepared, but once that baby comes out you’re bound to feel in out of your depth, it’s entirely as you might expect. Because it doesn’t matter how many books you read, how many classes you take, how much baby-related paraphernalia is littering your house, nothing will compare to that crazy moment when you are taking that tiny baby home, knowing that all the responsibility for actually keeping it alive is on you.

So when her teenage son and daughter-in-law got pregnant, the grandma in this story eventually relented on her initial inclination to kick them out, and allowed them to continue living in her home when they had their twins. Because she knew that the pair didn’t necessarily have things easy, and she and her husband supported them financially to allow them to get on their feet with life, as well as with parenting at such a young age. But now her daughter-in-law is demanding more, and it’s putting the grandma in a really difficult place.

Read on to find out more.

WIBTA for going to stay with my daughter again after my daughter in law asked me to stay home?

I have two kids, both adults with their own children.

My son married his wife, who we’ll call Jessica, at eighteen. She had some problems at home and they were basically children, so we let them live with us.

One year after, my son got her pregnant. I wanted to kick them out, but my husband made me give up that idea. We told them they would live with us for free, but everything baby related was on them.

My son got a job, but Jessica stayed home.

Let’s see how their life is going.

Two months ago, Jessica and my son had twins, and they still live with us. I honestly don’t mind anymore because the house is big enough, everyone has their own space, we get along and everything is generally fine.

My daughter had her second baby a year ago and since then I’ve been at her place three or four times a week, often overnight. She works, does most of the housework, and she and her husband pay for everything so I like being there for her to help her with what I can.

With Jessica, I have to say, we handle things a little different. We have a cleaning service that comes twice a week, as well as a gardener (I hate cleaning and gardening and I’ve never asked her to do it), and that includes both her room and my grandchildren’s rooms.

My husband covers all groceries and bills, we all split the cooking and the laundry equally.

But now, things are getting more challenging back home.

Last week I stayed at my daughter’s from Tuesday to Friday. That night, Jessica and my son asked to talk.

Jessica said she knows I don’t like her and has begun to notice I treat her kids differently because when the twins came home from the hospital, I only stayed a couple days before leaving again.

I know my daughter’s kids’ routines but I haven’t asked about hers. I buy clothes for my daughter’s kids but I still stick to “baby expenses are on you” with hers.

She also told me she feels her kids are seen as worth less because my husband pays half the private school tuition for my daughter’s oldest and we have never offered them that for my grandson.

Read on to find out how this grandma reacted.

I told her I’d never seen it that way. I see her kids every day since they live with me, and I just figured my daughter needed the extra help more.

I also told her I have no negative feelings towards her.

She told me she feels left out and alone sometimes, and that I’m prioritizing my daughter’s family.

I apologized with her and with my son too. I told them I was willing to reach an agreement that would work for everyone in the family, so while we work on that I’ve stayed home to help and spend time with her and the kids.

But now, she’s feeling a little stuck.

Jessica is a good girl, she cares, and she’s a good mom but it’s not like we share hobbies or have the same interests and our conversations die after a few minutes, so this week together has been a little weird.

I thought of going back this weekend to my daughter’s place and told Jessica I would be going only Friday afternoon to Sunday morning.

I asked her if that was okay, she said “I don’t care, go if you want” – but her tone says otherwise.

WIBTA?

Honestly, these grandparents are giving all of her grandchildren so much.

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For the twins, she is allowing them and their parents to live there rent free, without contributing in any way. They might not realise, but that’s a huge financial commitment.

For the daughter and her kids, they’re paying for stuff for them too. And while that might look like they’re getting more, they’re actually likely getting the same contribution, just in different areas.

Let’s see what folks on Reddit had to say about this.

This person agreed that they were already giving her son and daughter-in-law a lot as it was.

While others thought that the young couple were taking advantage of them.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who can’t complete her work-from-home duties because her mom’s houseguest won’t stop talking.

Meanwhile, this Redditor thought that their relationships were just different, out of necessity.

Let’s be real. Jessica doesn’t have a supportive birth family, and though her husband’s family are clearly very supportive of her, she’s still only a couple of months on from the birth of her twins. And she’s still young, and doesn’t have a broad view of how the world works yet. She’s probably highly emotional and maybe even feeling a little isolated as a new mom, especially given she’s become a mom so young, and to some extent this is probably a cry for help from a girl who is barely an adult and doesn’t necessarily know how to process, regulate, and express those emotions like an adult yet.

So she is jealous of her sister-in-law and how her kids are treated by her in-laws. But that’s likely a projection of her own family circumstances as much as anything. As it is, she is living rent-free in a nice home, where a cleaner and a gardener ensure that there’s not even any chores for her to do besides her own and her kids’ laundry. That’s a great set-up, and something she’ll likely come to appreciate in time. But right now, blaming the kids’ grandma for her own misery, and expressing jealousy without noticing the vast amounts that her in-laws are investing into her little family is not the way forward. Eventually, this girl has to learn to see and be grateful for what she does have.

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Author

Kyra Piperides

Kyra Piperides, PhD | Contributing Science Writer

Dr. Kyra Piperides is a contributing writer for TwistedSifter, specializing in Science & Discovery. Holding a PhD in English with a dedicated focus on the intersections of science, politics, and literature, she brings over 12 years of professional writing and editorial expertise to her reporting.

Kyra possesses a highly authoritative background in academic publishing, having served as the editor of an academic journal for three years. She is also the published author of two books and numerous research-driven articles. At TwistedSifter, she leverages her rigorous academic background to translate complex scientific concepts, global tech innovations, and environmental breakthroughs into highly engaging, accessible narratives for a mainstream audience.

Based in the UK, Kyra is an avid backpacker who spends her free time immersing herself in different cultures across distant shores—a passion that brings a rich, global perspective to her writing about Earth and nature.

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