She Spent Five Straight Holiday Seasons With Her In-Laws. When She Refused a Sixth Month-Long Visit, Her Husband Wasn’t Happy
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A free trip somewhere warm and sunny for the holidays sounds like a pretty sweet arrangement. But what happens when that vacation starts feeling more like an obligation?
One 38-year-old woman is questioning whether she’s being unreasonable for wanting to spend Christmas and New Year’s at home instead of visiting her husband’s parents for the sixth consecutive year.
For the past five years, the couple has escaped the winter weather to spend nearly a month with his family, enjoying complimentary flights, meals and outings.
Unfortunately, the arrangement comes with a few strings attached.
Her mother-in-law reportedly has a habit of pushing until she gets her way, and the woman often feels obligated to participate in activities she’d rather skip.
Now, with ongoing health problems, recent surgery and more medical procedures ahead, the thought of another extended visit sounds exhausting.
Her husband, however, loves the tradition and isn’t thrilled about changing it.
And she’s wondering whether wanting one holiday season on her own terms makes her selfish.
AITA for not wanting to spend the holiday with my in-laws for the 6th year in the row? I told my husband that I prefer to stay home this year
We’ve been staying with my in-laws for the holidays for the past five years.
I (F38) and my husband (M40) escape our cold winter and go somewhere warm and sunny.
It’s a 3.5-hour flight, but because we travel with our dog and there’s a holiday ban on dogs in cargo, we have to stay for almost a month. 25 days including Christmas and New Year.
Wow!
I’ve had my fair share of issues with my MIL. She can be extremely pushy. She’ll ask you the same thing over and over until she gets a yes, and she can guilt trip you if you say no. At the same time, they are generous and pay for our flights, meals and outings, so I do appreciate that.
The problem is that there’s also an expectation that we interact with their friends and go along with dinners and outings. A small example: I once said no to shopping with MIL. She kept asking me for days until I finally gave in. It turned into 5 hours of running errands and visiting 6 different stores.
I’m also going through a rough patch healthwise. I have chronic pain, recently had surgery, am still recovering, and have more surgeries coming. Even packing and being away from my home is a lot for me right now.
This is not a good combo with a pushy MIL.
My husband isn’t happy about my decision. He loves going there, seeing the friends we’ve made over the years, skipping the winter for a month, and being pampered with meals and outings.
He says he can’t take more time off work because he runs his parents’ small business and normally has no days off. But he did recently take four days off for an annual summer trip with his friends.
We could visit his parents another time when there’s no dog travel ban. The downside is that most of our friends wouldn’t be there. He also says he’s uncomfortable explaining to his parents that we don’t want to spend the holidays with them.
This is quite the pickle.
My concern is that I’ll basically be trapped in their house. We have no budget for going out right now, and my husband is very frugal. There’s no Uber where they live, and the closest public transit is a 1.5hour walk. It’s also a small place without much to do. My husband is a homebody and usually doesn’t want to go out anyway.
There’s another issue: MIL has talked about me and my health with her friends, and they know a lot about my personal situation. I’m not comfortable being around people who know all these details.We also can’t comfortably work from there.
There’s no cell signal in the house, so I have to run outside every time my phone rings, while also trying to work on my laptop. There’s no proper desk or chair either.
This sounds like a rare form of torture.
I love seeing some of our friends there, and I understand why my husband wants to go.
But with my health, finances and everything else going on, spending 25 days there feels overwhelming rather than like a vacation.
So AITA for deciding we shouldn’t spend that one month of paid-for holiday with my in-laws?
The woman isn’t unreasonable for wanting to spend the holidays at home, particularly while recovering from surgery and managing ongoing health concerns.
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A nearly month-long visit is a significant commitment, even when someone else is covering the expenses. Free flights and meals don’t necessarily make an experience relaxing, especially when there’s pressure to socialize and limited freedom to leave.
Her concerns about working conditions and her mother-in-law sharing private medical information also deserve consideration.
That said, her husband’s disappointment is understandable. He enjoys the tradition, values the time with his parents and sees the trip as a rare opportunity to escape his demanding work schedule.
The important distinction is that neither spouse should unilaterally decide how both of them spend the holidays.
If he still wants to visit, they could discuss traveling separately, shortening the stay or arranging another visit when transportation is easier.
Ultimately, marriage requires compromise, but compromise shouldn’t mean one partner repeatedly sacrificing their comfort to maintain everyone else’s holiday traditions.
This person is saying it to OP straight…
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This person says NTA even in the slightest.
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If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about two kids trying to earn money by mowing grass, and decide to solve their gas issue by stealing some of dad’s.
And this person has a heck of an idea…
The trip may be all expenses paid, but after five years, she’s realizing that free vacations can still come at a cost.
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