Woman’s Roommates Keep Having Loud Guests Over Without Warning, Leaving Her Anxious And Unsure How To Handle It
Shutterstock
When you live in an apartment, you have to expect that your roommates will have guests over, and that is just part of this setup.
What would you do if your roommates never told you when they were having guests over (even though they said they would), and that it was all the time to the point where it was causing you serious anxiety?
That is what the young woman in this story is facing, and she isn’t sure if this is just something she needs to get over, or if it is worth a confrontation with her roommates.
Personally, I think it is worth it to have a conversation about them notifying her of guests, but trying to control how often they can have people over is a losing battle. Read through the full story below and see what you think.
Am I overreacting about guests?
I live with two other people. We’re all university students in a college town.
Keeping everyone informed about visitors is a common courtesy.
One of my roommates frequently invites her boyfriend over without letting anyone know he’ll be over. We’ll sometimes go a week without seeing him, but oftentimes he’s over 2+ times a week, and it’s always for multiple hours.
My other roommate has a friend who’s been over about every other day for the past month. Last year, we agreed to text each other before having people over, either as a warning for a short visit or to check to make sure it was okay if it’d be longer or late at night.
If they aren’t following the rules everyone agreed to, that is an issue. But not a big one.
They’ve both given me a heads-up once or twice, but recently, I don’t get any warning at all. Since we agreed to let each other know, it kinda makes me feel really disrespected that they don’t follow that boundary we set. :/
Recently, I got to our apartment at about five, and there were multiple guests over. We each have our own room, and our kitchen/living area is an open-concept space.
Being this loud when you have roommates is rude.
That’s the extent of our place. My bedroom shares a wall with our common area, and the entire time they were over, everyone was talking loudly enough that I could hear exactly what they were saying or playing the TV so loudly I could’ve given a transcript of what they were watching.
Around midnight, I asked if they could keep it down so I could sleep, and after about half an hour, things went quiet. I woke up this morning to the sound of all their guests, who I guess slept over.
This would be quite awkward.
When I left my room, every seat in our common area either had someone in it or someone’s stuff on it.
In the past, I’ve tried to be friendly with their guests, but my roommate’s friend will just sit and stare at me (recently, I saw him turn around to watch me through the window as I entered our building, then when I came through our door, he was sitting on our couch staring at it), while my roommate’s boyfriend tends to just ignore me.
With multiple roommates, this would be overwhelming at times.
Whenever my roommates have guests over, it’s for at least 6 hours, and a lot of the time, they’ll cook meals, fill up our sink with dishes, and leave them to sit for days (we have an “I’ll handle my dishes, you handle yours” policy after past feuds over cleanliness).
But beyond things like that, I just get kinda anxious and uncomfortable when they have guests over. Sometimes I’ll wake up and be going about my morning (showering, then cooking in pajamas), and turn around to see a guest staring at me.
She recognizes that the roommates can and should have friends over.
I feel like I can’t articulate why it irritates me so much, beyond the fact that my roommates aren’t communicating with me when they’re going to have guests over.
I don’t want my roommates to not have social lives, but they’re part of the same friend group. Can’t they host things at someone else’s house?
This is going to be a big ask. She should start by ensuring everyone notifies each other before having guests over.
They had a bunch of people over last weekend, again without warning… and now it’s the same thing a week later.
Is it fair to ask that they have people over less often or for less time? I don’t have a car, so I can’t really go somewhere else (public transit is super limited on the weekend), but they both have their own cars.
She is having a very hard time.
I tend not to get any work done when they have guests over due to the noise, and I tend to lose my appetite when I’m anxious, so I haven’t eaten in about 20 hours, since before I saw they had guests over.
I feel like I’m losing my mind, and I don’t think the lack of sleep and nutrition is helping. Feel free to let me know if this is a me-thing that I need to work through, or if it isn’t, and anyone has advice on how to get them to act more cordially.
There are some valid complaints here, but she also needs to keep in mind that she is living in an apartment with other young people. She has to accept that guests will be coming over on a regular basis. The notification thing, however, is a real issue.
Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.
Let’s see if the people in the comments have anything to say that could be helpful.
If someone is willing to swap rooms, that might help.
She is just going to have to deal with this.
This complaint shows that she is being too sensitive.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a man who got fed up with all of the cars parking illegally on his vacation land, so he had them all towed.
Living alone or with one person would be a much better fit.
Maybe she needs to work on growing her own social circle.
She needs to accept the fact that she lives in a house with social people. Even if she tries to bring it up, any guest limits would be overruled by her other roommates.
Enjoyed this story?
Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.
