How you’re raised ultimately determines your future relationship with your parents.

Read how one Redditor finally stands up for himself in the case of his father’s cold, harsh nature.

I bet you’re going to be on his side.

AITA for telling my dad I’m not a toy he can take out when he needs me and discard once I’ve served my purpose?

I’m (22m) a twin, and I have a twin sister, Wren. When Wren and I were four, our mom died from liver cancer.

She was 30.

I know that [must’ve been] difficult for dad. Going from a happily married father of two to a widowed father of two with no family close enough (emotionally) for support would be a lot.

I truly cannot imagine. That would be so difficult.

But he was a better dad to my sister than to me and that started before mom died. It just stood out more after.

My dad was an affectionate and caring father to Wren. She was his little girl and her cherished her.

If she fell he would pick her up, kiss her tears and clean her cuts. He was gentle and compassionate with her.

When she was upset she could sleep in bed with him. He’d snuggle with her on the couch. He’d pull her out of school sometimes and take her for father-daughter dates.

When she was bullied, he was riding the school hard to deal with it, and he fought so hard for her.

He went out of his way to make sure she was loved and supported.

Wow, this story just keeps getting more heartbreaking.

Growing up I heard the words “tough” and “strong” a lot. I heard the word “man” a lot, and I was still so young.

He never cuddled me or kissed away my tears or carried me. He never even said I love you to me.

There was nothing gentle about him when it came to me. He was rougher, harsher, he expected me to be tough, to be a man, to be strong.

If I had a nightmare, I was sent right back to bed. When I got bullied horrifically in high school, my dad didn’t want to know.

The lasting effects this has on kids is just devastating, too.

There were times Wren and I would both fall. We’d both be young, too. And even if I was bleeding more, she was the kid he comforted.

It was never me, not if it was both of us falling, and not if it was just me.

He never did father-son dates. The most interest he ever showed in me was when I could help him do guy chores, like moving stuff.

Ugh, it’s like he didn’t even try to know his son.

I tried to approach this with him on a few different occasions, but I never got to finish.

He always cut me off for one reason or another. It got to a point where I expected it if I tried.

I moved in with my best friend’s family after I finished high school (at home). Wren lived at home for two more years. Dad only called me when he wanted something.

He did it again the other day, and I decided this **** had to end.

Oh man, I bet that conversation was rough…

I told him I’m not a toy he can take out when he needs me and then discard me once I’ve served my purpose.

I told him I’m his son, not his helper. And I brought up how he never says he misses me, or says I love you.

He never ever showed me love or affection, and I wasn’t going to tolerate it anymore.

Dad sent me an email in response (he emails better than he texts) saying I was being very harsh.

He said I was never his little girl, and boys are raised different.

Oh wow, definitely not the ideal response, by far.

I replied, I was never trying to be his little girl, but I was his little boy, and he should have shown me love too. He responded again [saying] that I accused him of discarding me like a possession, which was unjustified.

AITA?

This is such a sad situation for this son. Perhaps Reddit has some advice on the matter.

One Redditor notes the son doesn’t need to help the father if he is such a “strong man.”

Another commenter highlights how the father neglected the importance of emotional maturity.

One reader gave a breakdown of what this situation actually was.

And finally, a commenter reaffirmed that this son’s feelings were valid.

It’s so hurtful when those closest to you don’t really see you for who you are.

I hope this son gets the support he needs with or without his father in his life.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.