Weddings are meant to be a celebration, but complicated family demands can quickly sour anyone’s celebratory mood.

When one oldest daughter’s special day comes, her parents insist on bringing her younger brother whose special needs have always taken center stage.

After she refuses to invite her brother to the wedding for fear of being overshadowed, she’s racked with guilt and wonders if she’s in the wrong.

Read on for the full story!

AITA For Not Inviting My Younger Brother To My Wedding?

I (29f) am getting married next month.

I am the oldest daughter in a family of five. My youngest brother, Jimmy, (19) has Downs Syndrome and autism.

Jimmy has had a tough life which has required the bulk of her family’s attention.

Jimmy is not one of the high-functioning “success” stories you see on social media. He has limited language, was never toilet trained, and is essentially a 1 year old in the body of a grown man.

As I am 10 years old than him, and the eldest daughter, let’s be honest – A significant amount of my teenage years were spent carrying for him or for my younger siblings while my parents were busy with Jimmy.

Feeling overshadowed has hurt her deeply.

He was, without a doubt the center of their attention and our family the moment he was born.

While I understand, in part, why this was necessary, it still hurts that no one else was allowed a special moment after he was born.

Her other siblings have found other ways to navigate their big life events.

When my older brother, Timmy, (and only older sibling) got married last year, he and his husband opted to elope to avoid the drama of “What to do with Jimmy?”

Timmy knew that my parents would want Jimmy to be his best man etc (they have said as much) and so he just skipped the whole thing.

My sisters and I had been invited to Cancun for the elopement/wedding, but we have not told our parents we were there.

But when it came time for her big day, she found herself at a crossroads.

I am having a big-ish wedding, because it matters to my fiance’s family.

He really wants my parents to attend, so we invited them. They immediately started discussing what Jimmy’s needs would be.

I told them that the invitation was for them, not Jimmy. They would have to use respite care for Jimmy (they do use respite for him on a fairly regular basis. This isn’t new).

Her parents didn’t care for this idea at all.

They are now refusing to come unless Jimmy can come. And I am hurt all over again.

I don’t want Jimmy at my wedding. He is disruptive and I want one day that isn’t focused on his needs.

But she’s putting her foot down.

I know this is selfish, but I am done.

I didn’t get a high school, college, or med school graduation, because of Jimmy. I just want a wedding.

So, Reddit, AITA?

Sometimes the hardest choices are ones that require you to put yourself first.

What did Reddit think?

This commenter thinks the bride-to-be’s concerns are totally warranted.

An honest conversation is needed here.

It seems like the parents are looking out for their interests here, not Jimmy’s.

This commenter encourages the bride-to-be to stand firm in her request for one special day to herself.

She knew her decision would hurt, but it was the only way to protect one of the only special days she had left.

Everyone deserves their day in the spotlight.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.