Being expected to celebrate someone as a father figure when they’ve never once acted like one can be exhausting, and this woman has been absorbing it for most of her adult life.

Her step-dad showed up consistently for her siblings, drove hours to help them move, helped with their home repairs, and spent time with their children. Yet he passed near her house regularly for work and never once showed her the same treatment.

So as the thinks back on the many gifts she was pressured to contribute to over the years — hockey tickets, YETI coolers, expensive clothing — she starts to question whether this dynamic is really working for her.

But when she told her family how she really felt, she received nothing but a massive guilt trip.

Keep reading for the full story.

AITAH if I don’t contribute to a group Father’s Day gift?

My (35F) mom (55F) sent a group text to my three half-sisters, my step-sister, and me asking if we wanted to contribute $30 each to a car camera for my step-dad’s (67M) Father’s Day gift.

The group gifts are pretty much a tradition in this family.

I’m expected to buy him gifts or contribute to group gifts for his birthday, Father’s Day, and Christmas, along with the typical well wishes for those events.

Over the years I’ve gotten him a YETI cooler, Blackhawks NHL tickets, MLB merch, NFL merch, etc.

But she feels like her stepdad doesn’t put in nearly as much effort in return.

Meanwhile, he doesn’t wish me a happy birthday, ask about my life, or do anything that would be considered pretty minimal dad behavior.

He has driven three to five hours away to help all of my sisters and their families move houses over the years, helped them with repairs on their houses, and helps my mom babysit their grandkids a few times a year.

Typical dad and granddad stuff, I suppose.

But when it comes to one-on-one stuff, he’s not nearly as present.

He has to drive near my house, about 40 minutes away, for work sometimes, and he has never reached out to say hi, have dinner, or anything.

Something most of my other relatives do when they’re in the area for the day — he has never even mentioned he’s nearby.

She gives some background info on the family.

My mom married my step-dad when I was 15, after she accidentally got pregnant with my youngest sister, now 22F.

She was already a single mom to three kids from three different men and decided to marry my now step-dad because it seemed better in her mind than being a single mother to four kids with zero dads.

Over the years, my mom has started signing all cards — graduation cards, birthday cards, Christmas tags, etc. — as “love Mom and Dad,” but I’ve never even called him Dad.

All things considered, they really aren’t that close.

He has never acted like a dad toward me, so I’m not sure why that suddenly started happening.

I don’t have an issue with step-parents, but I don’t see the value in calling someone a title if they don’t even act like that title.

What’s wrong with just calling them by their name?

She’s aware of how others may perceive this.

I know I look like the bad guy for not wanting to contribute to gifts or send well wishes anymore, but on my birthday a few months ago, my mom asked “did he wish you a happy birthday?”

I said no, and she responded, “Oh, well he’s just a jerk.”

But she tries to tell her family how she really feels, but they don’t seem to want to understand.

I explained to my mom that he isn’t a father figure for me like he is for the other siblings in the family, so I’m not sure why I’m expected to keep up the charade.

I explained that the dynamic is that I’m her daughter and my step-dad is her husband, but that doesn’t automatically make him a father to me.

She just ignores me.

She thinks she’s too old to be dealing with nonsense like this.

I’m 35 and this forced narrative is weird.

I’d never expect this from a child, even an adult child, if I were a parent.

AITA?

Never Miss a Story

Sign up to get our BEST stories of the week straight to your inbox.

It doesn’t sound like anyone in this story is on the same page.

If you enjoyed this post, check out this story about a sister who canceled a family dinner after realizing she’d been the only one putting in effort for years.

What did Reddit have to say?

Money is a finite resource — and she can’t afford to be spending it on someone who doesn’t even really care about her.

There comes a point where you just have to match the other person’s energy.

This user has more questions about the overall family dynamic.

This commenter would just say it like it is.

Pressuring someone to spend their own time and money on a gift for someone they’re not even that close to is just plain unfair, and sooner or later her family needs to admit that.

Ultimately her step-dad had one job and that was to show up for the person whose household he joined when she was fifteen. He showed up for everyone else. He drove hours for her siblings, helped with their houses, spent time with their kids, and managed to be completely unavailable to the one family member who didn’t already have a father figure in place.

This woman had been filling the gift gap for years out of both obligation and goodwill, but eventually she realized enough was enough.

Her stepdad doesn’t deserve her gifts.