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Three months of silence from a close friend is the kind of gap that starts to feel less like a busy schedule and more like a genuine mystery.

One woman and her two best friends, now scattered across different states, had always maintained regular contact despite busy lives, easily bouncing back from the occasional two or three week gap.

When one friend went completely dark after a recent move, no calls returned, no texts answered, no FaceTime picked up, for three straight months, she and her other friend started reaching out to mutual friends and the missing friend’s aunt out of genuine concern.

Eventually, they called in a wellness check, only to receive an angry message hours later accusing them of “going overboard” and being told never to do it again.

Now she’s left wondering if caring enough to check on someone actually makes her the one in the wrong.

Keep reading for the full story.

AITA for calling in a welfare check on my friend?

Me and two of my best friends met at school a few years ago but have since all moved to different states but have been regularly keeping in contact.

Brooke lives in the Midwest. Hanna lives in the northern Midwest, and I live in the South.

Regardless of their location, the girls still do their best to keep in touch.

Normally we are in contact at least once a week. We all have super busy lives now, so it’s not abnormal to go two or three weeks without talking, but we always catch back up. There’s no expectation to be in contact every single day, as that would be unreasonable with us all living very busy lives.

Hanna recently moved to a new state, and we haven’t heard from her in three months.

Soon one of the girls noticed something troubling about Hanna.

We’ve called, texted, and tried to FaceTime, and we’ve gotten nothing in return.

Again, it’s not abnormal to go a couple of weeks, but three months was seeming excessive. Brooke and I reached out to some mutual friends and Hanna’s aunt to see if they’d heard from her in a while, just because we were getting concerned.

This was really out of character for her, so they wanted to play it safe.

We weren’t necessarily concerned that anything bad had happened, but three months, again, was just a really long time, and she wasn’t returning any calls or texts, and she wasn’t posting on social media as often as normal.

After not being able to get a hold of some other friends and hearing back from her aunt, Brooke and I decided to call in a wellness check just to see if she was okay.

But Hanna wasn’t happy about this intervention.

Well, a few hours later we got a text from Hanna saying that we were going overboard and being extreme, and it was unnecessary for us to talk to her aunt, our mutual friend, and call the police. She said that she’s been extremely busy and doesn’t have any time to relax or do the things she wants to do because she’s busy working.

The rest of the group doesn’t feel like Hanna is being fair to them.

I understand things get busy, but again, it had been three months. Hanna was extremely mad at us and told us moving forward to not do anything like that again.

We apologized for seeming to be excessive, but we just wanted her to know that we were concerned and we missed her.

So AITA?

Most people would be grateful that their friends care about them.

What did Reddit have to say?

Three months is just excessive.

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Normal people don’t behave this way.

Having friends is a good thing, not something to get upset about.

Reaching out to an aunt and mutual friends wasn’t overstepping, it was exactly what reasonable people do when someone they care about goes silent for three months.

It’s not like a wellness check was their first strategy. They had already tried texting, calling, and FaceTiming, but nothing worked.

Calling that overboard conveniently skips over the fact that the alternative was simply accepting an unexplained three-month silence and hoping for the best.

If Hanna doesn’t want to keep in touch any longer, then she needs to use her words and explain that.

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Author

Benjamin Cottrell

Benjamin Cottrell | Assistant Editor, Internet Culture

Benjamin Cottrell is an Assistant Editor and contributing writer at TwistedSifter, specializing in internet culture, viral social dynamics, and the moral complexities of online communities. He brings a highly analytical, editorial voice to his reporting on workplace conflicts, malicious compliance, and interpersonal drama, with a specific focus on nuanced stories that lack an obvious villain.

As a published author of rhetorical criticism, Benjamin leverages his academic background in human communication to dissect and elevate viral social media threads. Instead of simply summarizing events, he provides readers with balanced, deep-dive commentary into why the internet reacts the way it does. In addition to his cultural reporting, he is an experienced fine art photography essayist and video game reviewer.

When he isn’t analyzing the latest viral debates, Benjamin is usually chipping away at his extensive video game backlog, hunting down the best new restaurants, or out exploring the city with a camera in hand.

Connect with Benjamin on Instagram and read more of his essays on Substack.