Addiction is an awful thing, and it can cause huge problems within families.

That is what happened to the family in this story, and it resulted in this woman not talking to her sister for years.

Now that her sister is in recovery and seems to be doing well, however, her sister is trying to reconnect and bond. While she wishes her well, she is finding that they have nothing in common, so she is considering just cutting her off.

Personally, I think that would be going too far. She can pull back in the relationship, but cutting her off completely seems needlessly cruel. Read through the full story below and see if you agree.

WIBTAH for telling my sister I don’t want to rebuild our relationship after 12 years of no contact?

My sister and I went almost 12 years without having any real contact with each other.

Drugs can really ruin relationships.

During that time, she struggled pretty severely with drug addiction and was in and out of jail. Our lives basically went completely separate directions, and for a while, I tried to be there but she stole from me, went into drug rages, etc. So we cut ties.

She’s out now and genuinely seems to be trying to turn things around. From what I can tell, she’s doing well, and I want to be clear that I don’t hold her past against her. I’m glad she’s doing better, and I genuinely hope she continues doing well.

This family has some issues. Hopefully they can turn it around.

She also has a relationship with our mom again, which I’m thankful for. I hope they continue to have that relationship and that having our mother in her life gives her some of the family connection and support she’s looking for.

For some additional context, though, I’m actually no contact with our mom myself. Our relationship has been toxic for a long time, and ultimately she was the one who cut contact with me after I moved to another country.

Ok, she doesn’t feel strong family ties.

A major issue (but only one of MANY) between us was that she expected me to essentially force a relationship between her and my husband, and I wasn’t willing to do that.

When I moved, she cut me off claiming I didn’t appreciate her and didn’t miss her as much as she missed me, and I’ve since accepted that and have no desire to repair that relationship either.

I mention that because I think it’s relevant to how I view family relationships in general. Being related to someone isn’t enough, by itself, to make me feel like we need to maintain a relationship. I don’t think anyone is entitled to access to someone else’s life solely because “they’re family.”

Family is important, even if you aren’t super close.

Which brings me back to my sister. She’s been reaching out to me and trying to rebuild a relationship, and I’m realizing…I just don’t really want to. Like, at all.

There’s no big dramatic reason. I’m not angry at her. I’m not trying to punish her for being an addict or for the things that happened in the past. After almost 12 years apart, though, we’re strangers.

We always kind of have been with the differences in everything we found enjoyable. We have virtually nothing in common, and I don’t feel any particular connection to her anymore.

At least she is making an effort.

If I’m completely truthful with myself, the only reason I feel like I should maintain contact with her is because we’re related by blood. Which makes me laugh because I don’t talk to any of my other toxic family members.

I’ve tried responding to her and giving reconnecting a chance, but every time she reaches out I find myself groaning, leaving her on read, dreading responding or just responding because I feel obligated to, not because I actually want to talk to her.

They don’t seem to have a lot in common, which can make bonding hard.

She’s clearly putting effort into rebuilding the relationship, even if it is dry comments with the things she says. “Hi” “Sup” “wyd?” “video chat?” and then tries to video chat me all the time (high on weed mind you, so great sobriety journey).

I also realized the only reason I felt comfortable even allowing her my number again was because I’m not in the country so she can’t break into my house and steal from me again, or bring strange people over.

She doesn’t seem vindictive, just apathetic.

But I digress, the fact of the matter is, is that feels unfair to both of us. At the same time, I feel awful about the timing.

She’s finally getting her life together. I imagine rebuilding relationships with people she lost is probably important to her, and the last thing I want is for her to interpret this as me saying she can never move past what happened while she was struggling and feel like I’m rejecting her.

There is no real obligation to get close to her.

I’ve always been the savior of my family. Saved her from suicide attempts 3 times. (That’s a general indicator of the mental stability of my family in general too)

I genuinely hope she succeeds. I hope she stays close with our mom. I hope she builds friendships and relationships and has people around her who love her. I don’t resent her, and I don’t want her to suffer.

I just don’t necessarily want to be one of those people.

Honestly, this would likely be heartbreaking for her sister.

I’m considering telling her, as gently as I can, that I don’t hold anything against her and I’m genuinely happy she’s doing better, but that so much time has passed that I don’t have a desire to rebuild our relationship and would rather we continue living our lives separately.

Part of me thinks being honest is kinder than continuing to halfheartedly respond and letting her believe we’re slowly rebuilding something.

It doesn’t have to be an all-or-nothing thing.

Another part of me wonders if telling someone who’s trying to put her life back together, “I’m glad you’re doing better, but I still don’t want a relationship with you,” is unnecessarily cruel when I could just maintain occasional contact.

I know that sometimes compromise is necessary for maintaining relationships but I just don’t have the mental bandwidth to pretend.

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WIBTA?

It does seem like an unnecessarily cruel thing to do, honestly. It is one thing to pull back and talk to her less, but cutting her off completely is a big decision, and there doesn’t seem to be any good reason to do it. Plus, it may be something she regrets in the future.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say.

Here is a really good observation.

This commenter says she needs to really think it through.

She is not responsible for her sister’s sobriety.

Here is a recovering addict who says she doesn’t have to keep the relationship going.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman whose family wants her to spend way too much time redoing paintings to make them match.

This person has a friend who was in the same situation.

Cutting someone off completely should only be done in the most serious of situations, not just because talking to them is boring. That being said, she is not actually obligated to maintain the relationship.