11 Funny Tweets From Women About Marriage
Marriage is full of ups and downs and peaks and valleys…
Not to mention all those times in between when things are just slow and steady.
And today we’re gonna hear from women on Twitter about their observations of married life.
Let’s see what they had to say.
1. Who doesn’t love pizza?
More than, well, you know…
me: wanna have sex
me:…we can eat leftover pizza after
— niki ang (@nicolaang) April 1, 2019
2. He secretly loves it.
Don’t even try to hide it!
My husband will stand in the middle of the living room, watching my show that he says, “is dumb” for 30 minutes. Then hits me with, “What’s going on? She’s dating this guy now?”.
— ↞𝙱𝚕𝚔𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚋𝚎𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚢↠ (@BlkSoulBeauty) January 8, 2022
3. This is a must in a marriage.
It prevents a lot of conflict.
Marriage is having separate tubes of toothpaste because your spouse squeezes it wrong
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 5, 2020
4. I can’t find it.
Here we go again.
You can tell your Husband exactly where to go in your purse, and He will bring the entire purse back to you. 🤣😂😅
— Sheri Wilkinson (@SheriAWilkinson) January 8, 2022
5. Still can’t find them.
They have to be around here somewhere…
*At the reading of my will*
My husband- Did she say where my keys might be?
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) December 6, 2021
6. Join the club.
i was putting my 3 year old to bed last night and she was like “mommy can I see your boobs?” and I was like what why honey and she said “cause I haven’t seen them in a very long time!!!” and from outside the door I heard my husband mutter “join the club”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) December 29, 2021
7. Nothing will save you.
That’s not good…
It’s cute when I’m driving and my husband holds the grab handle as if that’s gonna save him.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) August 26, 2021
8. What does that mean?
Now everyone is confused.
Married foreplay is just five minutes of confusion about whether your spouse is using a suggestive euphemism or asking you to do a chore.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) July 19, 2015
9. You could have said that earlier!
He blew it again.
My husband before the holidays: I don’t need anything
My husband right after the holidays: I’ve always wanted this thing, and also I really really want this, and I’d love to have this other thing
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) January 11, 2022
10. How dare he do that!
He should know by now…
My husband does this annoying thing where he doesn't continue probing me after I tell him I'M FINE
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) January 6, 2022
11. I hope you’re hungry.
What a guy!
Husband: I thought you said you’re taking me out to lunch today?
Me: *gestures to the Costco sample table* Lunch is served.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) January 7, 2022