10 Hilariously Honest Marriage Tweets
by Matthew Gilligan
Ahhhh, marital bliss…
Things are always wonderful, the flowers always smell great, and there are no problems…
Let’s get real with some marriage tweets that are funny and brutally honest.
1. You did what?!?!
I thought that was normal…
One of the perks of marriage is having someone around to let you know which normal things from your childhood were actually very very weird
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) September 15, 2022
2. Now THAT is scary.
What have you done?!?!
Why would I need a haunted house when I can just open the dishwasher and see how my husband arranged the dishes
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) October 13, 2022
3. Wasn’t talking to you.
Go back to what you were doing…
40% of my wife and I's conversations go like this:
wife: i was talking to the dog
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 4, 2022
4. This is how it goes.
Isn’t marriage exciting?
First came love. Then came marriage. Then came pic.twitter.com/45bQAM4ju2
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 9, 2022
5. Now listen to this…
No, mine was worse!
Get married so you can argue over who had a worse night sleep.
— Karen (@AntsyButterfly) September 22, 2022
6. I’m sorry I did that…
Don’t let it happen again!
Marriage is sometimes apologizing for stuff you did in your wife's dream
— Nostradadmus (@bigpoppadrunk) September 18, 2022
7. Get over it!
He’s always complaining about this, isn’t he?
The way I’m complaining about being sick, you would think I’m the husband.
— Ousa Medusa (@MedusaOusa) September 25, 2022
8. Yes, you’re weird.
On to the next subject…
Me: Is it weird that I-
Me: You didn't let me finish.
Wife: Everything you do is weird.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 7, 2022
9. This won’t end well.
He doesn’t know not to do this by now?
Marriage is telling your spouse you heard about a cool new restaurant on a Monday only for them to repeat to you on a Friday “there’s this cool new restaurant I just heard about”
— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) October 13, 2022
10. Getting a workout.
Kind of the same thing, right?
Some couples exercise together.
My wife and I send each other articles when we're sitting in the same room.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) October 7, 2022