Her Teenaged Daughter Wants Locks For Her Room. How Much Privacy Do Kids Deserve?
Privacy and teenagers can be a tough thing to balance. As parents, we know that they need and deserve some, but we also need to be able to see what they’re doing, where they are, and who they’re with if anything crops up that causes concern.
This woman’s daughter is 17 and struggling with invasions from her two younger brothers. She gives examples like turning her things upside down, bothering her while she’s trying to study, and even barging in while she’s trying to sleep.
My (43f) daughter Lara (17f) has been struggling to focus on her studies with her brothers Kyle (12m) and Ryan (9m) constantly disrespecting her privacy. A few days ago, she was yelling for Kyle to come to her room. I asked her what happened. She explained that Kyle flipped all her items upside down. I called Kyle to come and flip everything right side up.
Yesterday, Ryan was running into her room and kept stealing her stuff, while she ran to get them back. On the night of the same day, Lara was trying to sleep, when the brothers suddenly barged in and ran through it, resulting in her screaming at them to stay out and close the door while she was sleeping, to give a few examples.
After being woken in the middle of the night – and then chastised for screaming about it – the daughter has requested locks on her bedroom door.
Today in the morning, her father (48m) told her he didn’t like the way she was screaming. She said that she was trying to sleep and her brothers were making all kinds of ruckus.
He told her that they are kids and they will learn. She said that they will never learn and the only way for them to learn is to have locks installed for her room.
He did not want her to and they went back and forth on this until she threatened she would move out as soon as she became financially independent since she wasn’t going to wait for them to mature and they should already know to respect her privacy to which he said to wait to include me in the conversation.
Her mother doesn’t want to do it, citing a need to be able to make sure the daughter isn’t goofing off when she’s supposed to be studying, and claimed that she would “make sure” the boys stayed out of her room.
I overheard, and when she went to her room, I told her she wasn’t going to have locks set up because she already wastes her time without the need for locks and I don’t want her to fail. Lara said that they were never going to listen without them and I told her that I would make sure they wouldn’t enter her room.
A promise that turned out to be immediately hollow, as they ran in again. When she went to her mother as requested, her mother said she can’t complain because she sometimes naps in her brother’s room after school.
OP replied that it’s different because her brother isn’t using it and basically doesn’t unless it’s time to go to bed at night.
This evening, I heard her shouting for me. We were all in the living room. Her father explained what was going on. Lara said that she was making Kyle tea when he did he’s not allowed to do. She said that she was going to tell on them and he said that if she promises to not tell, he and Ryan will never go into her room again. She didn’t say anthing so they ran upstairs to her room.
I told her that she has no right to complain since she always sleeps in Kyle’s room after school.
Her brothers all agree and Lara calls all of us the worst, none of us are allowed in her room, and leaves. She comes back after a minute and says that she only sleeps in Kyle’s room because he never uses it aside from sleeping at night, and if he was to use it for studying, then she would never go there.
Meanwhile, they constantly disturb her, mess with her stuff, and made her unable to sleep just last night.
OP promised (again) to deal with it if they went in her room – a speech that was interrupted by the older boy saying he could go in there if he wanted to – and seemed surprised her daughter talked about dying to move out and away from the ruckus.
I told her if they ever go into her room, she needs to go to me. Then Kyle starts saying that they had the right to go into her room while she was trying to sleep because they were playing.
Lara yelled at him, then said that she couldn’t wait to move out soon so she no longer has to deal with them. She also called me an awful mother for not giving her her bedroom locks.
Should teenagers have locks on their doors? Reddit is swooping in with their opinions!
The top comment says that until OP actually does something to curb her sons’ behavior, locks may be the best and easiest solution.
While this person is confused about OP’s reasoning for not wanting the locks in the first place.
This comment wants to give the brothers the benefit of the doubt…but not the parents.
This person, though, thinks the boys might already be lost causes.
Then there’s this ominous warning.
I hate all of this for the daughter, honestly.
If you live in a safe home with people who respect your privacy there should be no real reason for locks…but this is not that.
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Tags: · aita, am i the asshole?, should you give your teenager locks, teenagers and privacy