April 22, 2023 at 10:38 pm

These People Are Confessing To The Things They Did Wrong For Way Too Long

by Trisha Leigh

Everyone is naive in one way or another. It’s normal when we’re young, and honestly, you should probably be concerned if you’re not, at least as a child.

We all have those “aha” moments when the lightbulb goes off. Those are the moments we realize we’ve done the wrong thing, or believed the wrong thing, for way too long of a time.

Here are some people willing to ‘fess up to those most awkward moments for them.

To be fair, it is magical.

When I was 5 a pizza hut employee told me that the powder on the breadsticks was called fairy dust. Ordered extra fairy dust on my breadsticks until I was around 14 when an employee said ‘do you mean garlic salt?’ It still devastates me to realize how obtuse I was.

The explanation probably wasn’t clear.

It wasn’t very long, but when I was learning to drive my dad was explaining the rule of thumb regarding a safe distance to be behind the car in front of you. I thought it meant to hold your thumb up and if your thumb didn’t cover the entire car you were too close to it.

When he caught me doing that he asked me what I was doing. When I explained he burst out laughing, then considered it, and concluded it wasn’t a bad idea but perhaps a bit distracting.

Three whole years.

We bought a nice liquor cabinet. We got it delivered and noticed it was a bit shorter than we thought. No biggie.

Three years later, we’re moving. Lift up cabinet and these beautiful, ornate, screw on legs wrapped in tape and bubble wrap fall off the bottom.

Looks so much better now!

It’s just that simple.

Until last week, when my father in law would made a phone call on his very basic non-touch-screen flip phone he would open the menu, scroll to the phone icon, open it, hit the soft key for contacts, scroll to the person he wanted to call, press ok, then press the soft key to call.

When he mentioned how he preferred his landline because he could just dial the number, I said “Humour me. Just dial the number and hit the talk button.” I’ve never seen a man so simultaneously grateful and embarrassed.

Their mind was blown.

Couple years ago i was trying to open some toothpaste and had to break the seal of the tube, i used to look for something like a nail to break it, then one day i looked at the pointy end of the cap and thought ‘what if I could use this to break it’ and oh s*%t it did fit and broke it effortlessly, and so did every other tube product i had in the house and their respective cap, my mind was blown.

Work smarter not harder.

Since the dawn of time, I would pick up the silverware and utensils out of their tray in the dishwasher and put them away in their drawers then go back and pick up more out of the dishwasher.

Then one day I saw my wife lift the tray out of the dishwasher and I legit stood there with my mouth open.

Good one, Mom.

When I was a kid I loved drinking coffee but didn’t know how to make it. My mom taught me but the coffee ratio she told me to use was like 1 tbsp per 1 pot of coffee as opposed to the actual ratio 1tbsp:1cup of water.

Fast forward about 13 years to a couple months ago and I was reading the back of my folgers coffee thing and there was a little diagram showing how much to actually use.

I then realized my mom had told me the wrong amount so I a)wouldn’t drink all her coffee, and b)wasn’t super hyped up going into school.

Itchy isn’t a flavor.

I always thought eggplant tasted “itchy”, like itchy was a flavor, like sour or salty.

Fed some to my baby and his face turned red wherever the eggplant touched, and I realized we’re both just allergic to eggplant.

And itchy isn’t a flavor.

Oooh noooooo.

Apparently the red ring around the bologna is not supposed to be eaten.

This is absolutely hilarious.

My mom has been pronouncing Massachusetts “Massa Two Shits” for years and no one corrected her because they thought she just had strong feelings about Massachusetts.

It was right there all the time.

I lived in a house for 6 years with a bathroom with no “shelf” or cupboard to put toiletries into. I was very disappointed and ended up using a window sill that was WAY too small to fit everything.

Anyway, one day we had a friend over and he asked why we don’t have anything in our bathroom cupboard. I was confused so he showed me.

It turns out that the mirror I had been using for 6 years has a hidden compartment behind it. It was a mirrored door to a mounted cupboard on the wall. I was astonished and IMMEDIATELY moved all my stuff from the window into the new space.

My friend was baffled that I had never figured out there was a space behind the mirror. There was an obvious gap between it and the wall that I SOMEHOW failed to notice.

That’s a long time.

No one really ever told me you don’t need to buy shoes with the ‘two-fingers’ space in front of the toes after your feet stop growing.

I had been buying an entire size too big until about age 23.

Twenty. Three.

One day in college I decided to try a pair of Merrell barefoot type shoes and after reading the sizing guide, BAM. Mind blown.

It’s terribly obvious mistake I (29F) like to blame on being an only child. But really I’m just a f**king moron.

The office joke.

Well… This was a few years ago. I was the director of IT for a very large company. I was given a new cell phone and told to setup my voicemail.

I don’t know that when I recorded my name it would be played to whomever I leave a voicemail for.

Well the name I recorded was, “Dooder84 Corporate IT Godddd!!!”

I worked there for 4 years until someone in the hallway referred to me as the “corporate IT GoD!”

I was so embarrassed…..

Bless their heart.

My mom use to refer to me as a “bull in a china shop”. Always heard it as “bowl in a china shop”. Thinking it was a compliment.

At about 22 I hear someone else use the phrase and realized she meant “bull”, not “bowl”.

A little uncomfortable.

I grew up without a mom. She passed when I was 6. I was afraid to ask my dad how to put a tampon in.

One day I made a comment (about age 18) to some friends that tampons hang out too far out your bajingo and made me feel like I waddle when I walk. My friend asked me how I put them in. I thought it would get stuck up there and wasn’t inserting it far enough. Did it wrong for about 5 years.

My friends still make fun of me for it. I can’t help but use the dead mom card, but looking back it’s pretty common sense how to shove it up there.

Y’all, these are killing me.

I love these sorts of innocent confessions!