Family dynamics are always a tightrope-walk.

Siblings getting favored over others, or birthday parties that don’t end up going well for everyone involved.

Well this is a story about just that kind of situation.

A middle brother who had gone along for the ride, and never complained about family outings for his special needs siblings.

And for his birthday he wanted something he’d enjoy for once.

The internet tribunal hath spoke:

NTA

AITA for not showing up for my birthday dinner at a nice restaurant knowing everyone was waiting for me and my parents had to pay a deposit for the table?

I’m (16M) the second oldest of four. My older sister (18) has down syndrome and is medically complex, with complex needs. She also has food allergies.

My younger sister (13) has a host of food allergies and some of them are very serious and she’s also on the spectrum. Then we have my younger brother (11) and he has a lot of medical issues related to food and allergies that go along with it.

He explained how accommodating the whole family tries to be for his special needs siblings.

We always try to make sure places are accessible for them. Especially because my older sister is in a wheelchair.

This does mean I can be overlooked. It does mean making sacrifices or accepting that things will never be as far as it would be for a kid in a family with less extra/special needs.

But over time he’s gotten used to it.

Understanding that it’s just how this family dynamic is.

I’m used to not getting my favorite dishes and I’m used to not getting my top pick for vacations because my parents don’t think it’s accessible enough or autism friendly enough. I’m used to my siblings never getting turned down for that stuff.

After a while it became something I expected. I was lucky that my maternal grandparents tried to make up for it when they could and my best friends family would also include me in their family for stuff like meals out.

He’s definitely got a favorite place to eat, but it’s off the list for his fam.

My favorite restaurant in our city is this Indian place. My favorite dish is their samosas. I never get to eat there with my parents and siblings and we never get takeout from there because it’s not deemed safe for all my siblings.

Sometimes that stinks, especially when my parents proclaim they always get their kids favorite food from their favorite restaurant for their birthdays each year.

So for his 16th birthday, his parents gave him the pick of the restaurant litter.

This year my parents made a big deal over me turning 16 and they told me to pick my favorite place for us to have a family dinner for my birthday. A family dinner that included extended family.

I told them my favorite place and they told me that wouldn’t work. I asked if they wanted my favorite place or a place catered to my siblings. They asked me if I didn’t want to cater to my siblings and I said no.

OP stood firm in his decision.

Time didn’t change it.

They asked where did I want to go, I said the Indian place. They gave me one of those looks and said they would give me more time to think. A couple of weeks after they asked me where I wanted to eat for my birthday and I told them my answer had not changed.

They asked me if I could really enjoy my birthday knowing it wasn’t accessible and safe for my siblings to eat there and I said yes, since it’s meant to be my birthday and they wanted me to say my favorite restaurant.

Then the day finally came.

Though OP was nowhere to be found.

They told me they would book “the family favorite” and went ahead and did that. The “family favorite” has nothing I actually like, I just tolerate it. They had everything planned, invited everyone and when the evening came for the dinner I just didn’t go.

My parents are furious with me. I had everything taken for a week and they plan to continue the punishment in some way. My grandparents defended me but my parents said I was rude.

AITA?

Let’s see what folks had to say.

Almost all NTA votes.

One person reminds them that in 2 years they can be free of this situation.

One person laid it all out on the table. Pretty harsh though.

Another person came up with a name for OP.

While this commenter had my thoughts exactly.

THAT GARLIC CHEESE NAAN, THOUGH.

If you thought that was an interesting story, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.