If you’re not excited to have a child, regardless of its sex, you probably shouldn’t have one at all – because for most people, getting to pick and choose isn’t a thing. Yet.

You have to be thrilled to be a parent to a boy or a girl (not to mention all of the other options they will have to choose to identify with as they grow) because you truly never know what you’ll get.

OP was excited to learn he was going to be a father, since he never had a good relationship with his own dad, and hoped for a son that he would be able to spoil.

I (32M) and my wife (25F) are expecting our first child. I’ve reacted in ways I’m now questioning and need outside perspective.

Background: My childhood was a tumultuous one. Growing up, I always craved a strong male figure in my life. I never had that bond with my father and always envisioned having it with a son. My wife was aware of this deep-rooted desire.

During her first pregnancy appointments, I was on an essential business trip. These trips, though draining, are critical since I’m the only breadwinner, trying to ensure a different life for my child than I had.

His wife went to the sex reveal scan with only her mother, and came home to tell OP they were in fact having a boy.

They decorated the nursery, they picked out a name…

In my absence, my wife and her adopted mother attended the check-ups. Upon my return, she excitedly told me we were having a boy.

We invested emotionally and financially: a blue nursery, boy-themed items, even naming him after my late grandfather.

…and then OP overheard his mother-in-law say they were actually having a girl.

However, a chance remark from her mother disclosed we’re having a girl.

My wife admitted she knew from the beginning but didn’t tell me, thinking she was protecting my feelings.

His wife said she hadn’t wanted him to be disappointed but OP had a big reaction, clearing out the nursery and banning his mother-in-law from the house.

I was devastated, feeling the weight of past hurts and fresh betrayals. In my pain, I cleared out the nursery and, in a moment I regret, told her mother she wasn’t welcome at upcoming family events, seeing her as part of the deceit.

I acted out of deep-seated emotions and past traumas. I love my wife and regret my reactions, but I feel lost. AITA for how I responded?

He’s coming to Reddit to ask whether or not he overreacted, but it seems to me there’s a whole lot to unpack here.

The top comment says they were both wrong, but also cautions OP against putting too many expectations on another human being.

This commenter wants to remind OP that little girls need good relationships with their fathers, too.

And this person thinks it’s pretty clear why his wife felt the need to lie.

This person disagrees, saying the wife’s breach of trust was the bigger betrayal.

This commenter agrees that others are being too harsh.

This is a tough one.

I kind of hope they both get some serious therapy so they can be emotionally sound parents to their bundle of (female) joy.