So many problems that people bring to Reddit and other places online stem from one simple thing: people refusing to mind their own dang business.

OP’s mother and grandmother’s all passed from breast cancer. When her doctor found some concerning tissue, she made the choice to have a double mastectomy.

4 years ago now, when I was 24, my mum died of breast cancer, and as both my grandmothers had also died of it I saw a specialist for a screening. I found out I had some cells in one of my breasts that could have turned cancerous at any given moment.

I was told I had a few options:

I could have regular screenings every 3 or 4 months until it does develop into cancer (I was told the risk of the cells becoming cancerous was very high due to family history) but it could also potentially never could turn so I’d just be getting these screenings for no reason

I could get a single mastectomy on the breast with the bad cells, but they’d need to keep an eye on the other one, so I’d still need regular checkups for the other breast. I could get a bilateral mastectomy and remove all of my breast tissue, basically eliminating the risk.

I went for the bilateral mastectomy. It was admittedly the most drastic option but after seeing what cancer did to my mum and grandmothers I didn’t want to risk it.

Afterward, she was severely depressed by her scarring and went to see a therapist.

I was warned about scarring but told it should be fairly minor. It wasn’t and I was left with 2 huge, pink, jagged scars on either side of my chest, each about an inch long and half an inch wide, and it caused me to go into a severe depression, where it got to the stage of me not even leaving my flat because I didn’t want people to see me, throwing out my mirrors, and getting physically sick looking at myself.

I went to a therapist, who suggested a plastic surgeon. The therapist said they’d never normally do that but it was clearly something I was struggling with and I might never get over it, and the therapist could see why I struggle with it.

Although I’ll admit the therapist did send me to ask about scar reduction.

She decided that getting implants to cover the scars was the best course of action.

The plastic surgeon suggested a cream, a laser or implants.

The cream didn’t work, and the laser was both expensive and risky, so I went with the implants. My natural breasts were an F cup so I went with a slightly smaller DD.

Since then my mental health has improved and I feel a lot better about the way I look. My confidence has gone up, as has my self esteem.

I know I shouldn’t put so much into my appearance but I wasn’t exaggerating about these scars. Huge, bright pink, jagged, raised, just really awful to look at and I hated seeing myself, and they are now nicely hidden away and you can barely feel them.

OP was doing much better until a woman at work overheard a joke with a friend about her implants. Afterward, her coworker told everyone about them, and refused to stop making jokes at OP’s expense.

In the present day, I’m 28 years old and working in an office. I’m doing a lot better than I was.

My coworker, Jill, found out I’d had  the procedure (but not about the cancer thing), when myself and my friend from years before the mastectomy were planning a holiday and she made a joke about me going on a plane with my implants, and Jill overheard.

By the end of the day, the entire office knew I’d had the surgery, but not why, and half a dozen people confirmed Jill had told them.

Over the next few months Jill made many “jokes” and comments about my chest to coworkers when I was in earshot, at one point saying I had “more plastic than Barbie” and calling me “fake in two ways”. I didn’t hear this one myself but a friend in the office told me that Jill had at one point referred to me as a “sack of silicone”.

IDK what her problem was exactly but at one point she mentioned the NHS so I assume she thought that I’d got my chest done for free on taxpayer money (I’d gotten the mastectomy on NHS but gone private for therapy and implants).

As they were really more like insults, OP asked her to stop many times.

I asked her to stop more than once, but unfortunately the places I’d talked to her were places like the lift and the women’s bathroom, where there weren’t any cameras, and Jill just kept making comments no matter how often I asked her not to.

I wouldn’t say it was every single day, but I heard at least 3 comments per week for 3 months.

When she didn’t, OP finally lost her cool one day and snapped.

I hit my breaking point when me, Jill and a few other coworkers were having lunch, I referred to something as being shallow and Jill said “you’d know all about being shallow” while gesturing to my chest. I snapped.

I said “do you know why I have these? A few years ago the doctors found potentially cancerous cells in my breast tissue, I was advised to get a mastectomy and was left with huge ugly scars on my chest. I went to see a therapist who sent me to a cosmetic surgeon, who advised me to get implants to hide the scars, and I did just so I could look at myself in the mirror without crying. So maybe next time you want to judge someone for having cosmetic surgery, you should ask them why they had it first”.

And feeling like that was a mic drop moment I picked up my food and left.

Later, OP was summoned to meet with HR the following day. She spent the evening getting her ducks in a row and prepared to make her case.

For the rest of the day I had about 1/3 of my office come up to me and offer support, and the rest tell me that Jill was just joking around and I was being a *****. I replied that Jill was being a ***** long before I was.

I then got an email from HR saying they wanted to talk to me the following day, and when I called for clarification they mentioned a “hostile work environment” (note: this is apparently an American term and holds little weight in England but it’s what was said over the phone). I knew the person who signed off the email and I’d spoken to. Her name was Debbie, and she was Jill’s friend in HR so I was fairly confident on who had reported me.

I realised that if this was already being sent to HR, I needed as much ammunition as possible, so I went about collecting my information.

As Debbie had dealt with me so far, it was safe to assume she would be the person reviewing the complaint with me, and if that was true I was screwed. However, I vaguely remembered a section on complaints that was in my contract when I first signed with the company. I flicked through the contract and there was a part in complaints section that said I was contractually allowed to request a change of reviewer if I felt my allocated reviewer was biased. It was called an “impartial overseer”. I photocopied the page and highlighted that part.

Then I messaged the people who had offered their support over facebook, and said basically “HR have asked to see me. Do any of you remember Jill insulting me to your face and are you willing to write and sign something saying what you heard and when?”.

Not everyone was willing to help as Jill is somewhat feared in the office due to her befriending HR and management but about 20 people were willing to help me.

I guessed roughly when I’d asked Jill to stop previously (the 4 asks over the last few months, some timings were easy to guess as they’d happened on my break or when I’d first arrived at work) and I wrote them all down, along with a rough time of when the lunchroom confrontation happened and a list of names of who was there for the lunchroom confrontation.

I got to work slightly early the next morning. I went round everyone who had messaged me and most of them managed to give me a printed and signed letter (some didn’t manage to write one but nbd). This isn’t exact words as there’s 16 letters to sum up here but the gist was:

“My name is [their name]. I work with Jill Lastname and OP. On [date] at [time] (approx), I spoke with Jill Lastname, during which she referred to OP as [quoted insult]. I felt this was inappropriate as it directly related to OP’s appearance and am willing to go on record further to establish that Jill Lastname has been discussing OP in the workplace in the same manner for 3 months now, causing me discomfort and creating what I feel is a hostile work environment. Signed [their name]”

I wound up with about 16 letters, all from different people, and one of them was in the lunchroom for my conversation with Jill. Some even had bullet pointed lists of everything Jill had said to them about me or other people, as it turns out Jill has issues with a lot of people’s appearances.

She apparently made comments about one coworker’s weight, and something antisemitic about a different coworker’s nose, all of which were put in these letters.

There are about 45 people in the office so while 16 wasn’t a majority, it’s still a decent amount. The letters weren’t hugely long, most were only a paragraph, but they had all the necessary information.

Which is exactly what she did.

I was asked to come to HR at 10am. I took the letters from coworkers, the photocopy of the page in my contract, and my dates and times in a little folder with me.

I got there and Debbie was the one overseeing the interview. She got up from her desk, ready to lead me into another room.

I immediately turned to the other HR worker that was currently there and said “so is my meeting with you, then?”

Debbie said “no, you’re with me.”

I replied that this wouldn’t sit well with me, as “my contract states I have a right to an impartial overseer” and as I said this I took the contract page out of my folder. Debbie read it (I wouldn’t let her take the paper when there was a shredder so close by) and said she could be impartial. I replied that I really didn’t mean to be a pain, but I had it on good authority that the person on the other end of this complaint is her friend, and my contract does say I’m allowed an impartial overseer.

Debbie stomped off to get Supervisor.

Supervisor asks how I know she can’t be impartial and I tell him that I have it on good authority that the Jill, who was on the other end of this complaint, is a close friend of Debbie.

He asked Debbie if this was true, to which she only replied “I can be impartial”.

Supervisor took a deep breath, asked the other HR rep to come with him, and the four of us all went to review the complaint. I thanked them for being so accommodating (I was worried I’d annoyed them), Debbie took out the complaint and all 3 of them went through it with me. Debbie looked homicidal the whole time the interview was happening, as she had clearly anticipated firing me (or at least recommending me being fired).

The interview went something like this. It took like over half an hour and they kept asking me the same questions but phrased different ways so this is a really drastically condensed version.

Q: You said outside that you think Jill Lastname reported you. Why is this?

A: Jill has had an issue with me for about 3 months now

Q: Why didn’t you come to us when you realised Jill had an issue?

A: I had no issue with her.

Q: What issue does Jill have with you?

A: Four years ago a specialist identified potentially cancerous cells in my breast tissue. I had surgery to remove my breast tissue, thereby removing the cells and the risk. After the surgery I was left with large scars on my chest. I went to a therapist for low self esteem and depression. The therapist suggested a plastic surgeon who suggested breast implants to cover my scars. All of this is in my medical history which you have a copy of in my file and my full permission to review. Jill found out about my breast implants but didn’t know about the cancer. Jill had a problem with my breast implants, and decided to communicate this problem to our coworkers.

Q: Why do you feel this is true?

A: Here’s 16 signed statements all from different coworkers, all testifying that Jill told the entire office I’d had breast implants on the day she found out and has since made comments about these implants frequently. They have quotes of what Jill said to them about it and rough dates and times.

Q: Rough dates and times?

A: No one knew this would be escalated to such an extent so no one really took notes as and when it happened.

Q: What event or events do you think directly led to this complaint of harassment?

A: For me harassment began when Jill told everyone about my breast implants without my consent, but as to the complaint placed against me, it would probably be what happened at about [time] yesterday in the lunch room. Jill made a comment about me being shallow while gesturing to my breasts and I replied by giving her an abridged version of my relevant medical history and ending with a comment about the importance of getting the full story.

There are cameras in the lunch room, so I’m sure you’ll be able to find that conversation. I’ll admit I could have handled the situation better, but after 3 months I felt I had to put my foot down. Here’s a list of names of people who were also present. There were 6 people at the table, including myself and Jill. One of these people is also in those letters, and has written their account of the conversation and signed it.

Q: Had you had a conversation with Jill prior to this regarding her comments about you?

A: Several, spaced out over the last 3 months. Each time I communicated to her that I felt uncomfortable and upset with these comments she was making and would appreciate it if she were to stop.

Q: To your knowledge, was Jill made aware of your former cancer at any point in this time?

A: No. It wasn’t mentioned in the conversation with my friend she overheard and I didn’t tell her because frankly it’s none of her business and I did not feel the need to detail my medical history to a coworker in order to avoid further s**ual harassment.

Supervisor stands up and says “well I think we’re done here”. He shakes my hand and sends me back to my desk saying that I’d hear from them after they reviewed the evidence (letters, CCTV, medical history and anything they had already) and made a decision on the case.

I got back to my desk, pulled up my CV, and prepared to start the job search again.

About an hour goes by, then the person who wrote the letter and was there for the lunchroom conversation gets called for a meeting with HR. They come back 10ish minutes later.

The other people who were also there for the lunchroom conversation get called one by one, except Jill. All of them are gone for about 10 minutes then come back, find a coworker, and say that HR wants to see them.

Then the people who wrote letters but weren’t there yesterday are also called one by one and are each gone for about 10 minutes each, some longer, some shorter. By about 3:30 it looks like everyone who wrote a letter or was there in the lunch room has been interviewed.

And is exactly what got the rude coworker fired.

Then, finally, Jill gets called in.

She’s gone for about 30 minutes and comes back fuming. She glares at me while I work, but I ignore her.

4:30ish, Jill gets called into HR again.

5 pm rolls around, everyone is either leaving or getting ready to leave, when Jill storms back into the office. She glares at me the whole time she packs up her desk.

She then starts telling anyone who will listen that I got her fired before shoving her way onto the lift.

An email comes in from HR.

My case is closed.

Reddit’s going to party on her proverbial grave, right? Let’s find out!

This is a great reason to keep a paper trail.

We all have to cover our butts.

Also, your correspondence is largely public record.

It’s never more trouble than it’s worth.

Everyone is glad that OP stood her ground.

It shouldn’t even matter why OP had breast implants in the first place.

No one else should be talking about them.