There are so many essays and posts and books and podcasts out there about blending families. So many people want to try to do it, but honestly, too many of them let their expectations and timelines get in the way.

OP lost her father young, and when her mother remarried someone with a daughter of his own, everyone but OP wants to be one big happy family. It made things uncomfortable for a long time, until everyone accepted that OP’s feelings were what they were.

When I (26f) was 7 I lost my dad. My mom remarried when I was 9. My stepsister (29f) was 12 at the time.

We had very different experiences with the whole blending of the families. I didn’t really want it to happen and wasn’t exactly looking to make them my new dad and sister. They never really became that either but I have accepted that they are family.

With my stepsister, her mom chose not to be in her life and she always longed for a family, where she had a mom and maybe some siblings.

It made us all living together uncomfortable with me and her wanting very different things and her dad and my mom really unhappy with how I felt about us becoming a “real family” as they would put it.

We’re all okay now. Not so close. But no hate or animosity there anymore. At least it was hidden well until this.

Her stepsister is widowed now with a young son. She has met someone new who had kids of his own, and history was kind of repeating itself.

So my stepsister married when she was 20 and had her son then too. She lost her husband 2 years ago. Her son is now 9.

My stepsister has met a man, a widower, and he has two kids under three. They are trying to get to the point where they move in together but her son is not really blending with them, which is how she said it.

He’s not unkind or rude. But he’s not really making an effort is how she views it. And he has said he doesn’t want to be part of the new family she wants.

As hard as they tried, her son didn’t seem interested in bonding.

They decided to go away for the weekend together and see if that would be a good experience and whether it would help them bond.

She said her son ignored when the 3 year old wanted to hold his hand and then he didn’t want to sit with her partner who was also looking at the stars on their first night there.

He also didn’t want to take photos with them all.

So, her stepsister asked if OP would talk to him, orphan to orphan. She said sure, and sat him down for a frank discussion.

So she decided I needed to talk to him as someone who also lost my dad. She said the adult me could give him a more mature insight into everything. I told her I would talk to him but I would not read from a script. She told me to just be honest.

I did talk to her son. I assured him that how he was feeling was okay and that I had felt the same way. I told him it was okay for his feelings to change and I answered honestly that mine hadn’t really, they had just softened so I could like them as people even if they weren’t my dad and sister.

He liked hearing that and he said he really did believe that would be how he’d feel and I assured him it was okay.

He was honest with how he just didn’t feel the way his mom wanted to and I related with him with that.

It didn’t go as the stepsister wanted and now she is blaming OP for ruining everything forever.

My stepsister did not like that and a couple of days later she was calling to curse me out and saying I didn’t help her like I had said I would.

She told me her son was more sure now that he didn’t want to try and be a family with them and she told me I was so selfish to ruin her life the way I had ruined my mom’s.

I told her my concern was with her son and how he was doing. She told me to go **** myself.

AITA?

Is this drama warranted, or did OP do her best? Let’s see what Reddit has to say!

The top comment says OP did the kid a favor by validating his feelings.

She’s a good person to have in his corner.

Even if she has to wait awhile to really be there for him again.

After all, there’s just no way to force relationships.

Forcing things is never the way to make them happen.

It’s sad that so many people are just desperate to have a family that looks happy from the outside.

The kids always know when it’s not real.

If you liked this post, check out this story about an employee who got revenge on a co-worker who kept grading their work suspiciously low.