They don’t call our childhood years “formative” for no good reason. Those are the days, weeks, months, and years when we’re watching the adults around us for cues on how to navigate life.

For better or worse, they can affect our perceptions and our behavior long into adulthood – and sometimes forever.

OP lost her parents young and went to live with her aunt, uncle, and a cousin (who was the uncle’s alone).

When I (20’sF) was 7 years old I lost my parents and was sent to live with my aunt (bio) and her husband (uncle) and his daughter, Kylie.

Kylie was 10 when I moved in. She lost her mom when she was 5 or 6 and my aunt had been married to my uncle for a little over a year. So it was a really difficult time for her.

But I remember thinking Kylie might get what it was like a little.

But she was very clear from day one we were not family.

She watched her step-cousin treat her aunt like absolute dirt for no reason other than she couldn’t handle her deceased mother being replaced.

One thing that always stuck out to me was how Kylie really resented/hated my aunt.

My aunt couldn’t ask Kylie to do anything without being yelled at. She couldn’t do anything nice for her without getting glared at.

She’d accuse her of disrespecting her mom by “trying to play mom”, she’d accuse her of doing stuff that she had no right to do, she’d tell my aunt to know her place.

My aunt always understood Kylie was grieving and she pushed my uncle to make sure Kylie got enough time with him but was also able to talk to him.

They had her in therapy as well.

My aunt told me once when I got upset on her behalf that some people, kids or adults, can find it hard to see their living parent move on and have a new relationship after they lose the other parent and Kylie was struggling.

Now that they’re adults, nothing has changed.

A few months ago I saw Kylie for the first time in 12 years and she could not hide her still existing hatred for my aunt. The way she looked at her.

I even heard her tell my uncle that my aunt was nothing to her and all she did was attempt to steal a dead woman’s entire family.

It made me realize just how strong that resentment can be.

I also know from my uncle’s sister that Kylie is still furious my aunt ever tried to ask her to do anything or issued any kind of consequence for her behavior when she was a kid.

So, OP told her uncle she wouldn’t date men with kids and why.

The experience of living with them always made me say I didn’t see myself ever wanting to date and marry someone with kids but having seen her hatred for my aunt at 30, knowing she still resents my aunt for even daring to ask her to do something in the home, it made me realize that while it can work and some people have amazing blended families, it’s not for me.

A few days ago I came back home for Christmas (staying until the 28th).

My uncle was talking about my boyfriend and then he asked me about this guy at work who asked me out a couple of times and why I never gave him a chance since I thought he was cute, etc.

I told him it just wouldn’t work but he kept pushing and I told him it was because he had kids.

He told me that was a strange reason when I want kids and I said yeah, but after seeing how Kylie treated my aunt I have decided I would never be a stepmom.

He took it as an insult, but OP doesn’t see how she can change how growing up in the house affected her.

My uncle was defensive about it and told me I can’t swear off men with kids for that reason and he said divorced and widow(er)ed parents deserve to find happiness again.

I said they do and I would never say they shouldn’t have that. But I do not want to be that for them. He said it was rude for me to blame Kylie.

AITA?

Does Reddit thinks she should expand her horizons? Let’s find out!

The top comment says her uncle took it personally.

This person thinks it is (rightfully) personal, though.

People are never on the side of the stepparent, either.

Being a stepparent is hard work in the best of times.

Either way, OP did nothing wrong.

This is a horrible story, to be honest.

I sure feel sorry for the aunt.

If you thought that was an interesting read, check out what happened when a family gave their in-laws a free place to stay in exchange for babysitting, but things changed when they don’t hold up their end of the bargain.