February 11, 2024 at 6:27 am

Stepmom Asks Others To Not Mention Stepson’s Deceased Mom, Wants Him To Him Call Her “Mom”

by Addison Sartino

Source: Reddit/AITA/Shutterstock

Grief is not only heartbreaking but extremely tough to navigate for most people, especially children.

This stepmom is trying to do best by her stepson, but did she take it too far?

She took to Reddit to find out by sharing her story.

I desperately need outside perspective.

I have been married to my husband Will for 3 years now, dated for 2.

The woman’s husband was married once before.

Before me, Will was married to his high school sweetheart Anna for 3 years. Tragically Anna died during the birth of their child, a little boy they named Damian.

I met Will 3 years later. He was my older cousin’s college friend. Will wasn’t looking for a relationship but we somehow hit it off. I met Damian 2 months into making our relationship official.

I love the little one with all my heart. And he is just the sweetest little man in the world. Always smiling and happy and polite. I would say I fell in love with Damian first and Will later.

His parents and siblings were happy for Will and I and always thanked me for being there for Damian.

The birth mom’s family are not fans of the stepmom.

Anna’s family however, did not like me.

They thought Will was moving too fast and that I wasn’t a good influence on Damian.

For context, I’m muslim and Anna’s family are very strict Catholics.

Their attitude towards me kept getting worse as Damian began getting more comfortable with me as a constant presence in his life. And because he was so young and Anna’s family lived kind of far away, they weren’t much of an influence in Damian’s life. Will did take Damian to visit them once every month but as a young kid, he obviously preferred his dad and later me.

I want to have kids later (in my 30s) so for much of his childhood, Damian will be my only kid of sorts.

And as a result, we got really close and he started calling me mama.

Aiming to ease the little boy’s pain, the stepmom asked others to not mention his birth mother.

This enraged Anna’s family as they felt like Will and I were trying to erase Anna from Damian’s life. That wasn’t true but you couldn’t really explain the concept of a stepmother to a 5, 6 or 7 year old. Damian would get upset whenever someone said I wasn’t his “real” mom and so I requested others to stop mentioning Anna until Damian was a little bit older.

When I made this request, not only were Anna’s family members enraged but Will’s siblings also agreed and said I was trying to take Anna’s place and that it would be a very asshole thing to do.

The stepmom wants to prioritize her stepson’s feelings.

But I don’t think I’m being cruel or mean by trying to be a good mother figure to Damian and think of his feelings.

Like, Anna is gone but Damian is the one here right now.

Shouldn’t his feelings/thoughts matter more?

Am I being manipulative in anyway?


Reddit users mostly agreed on their conclusion of this story.

One person suggested a more inclusive way to handle the situation.

Source: Reddit/AITA

This reader sympathized with the writer up until a key moment in the story.

Source: Reddit/AITA

Another person shared a similar sentiment of being more inclusive of the birth mother.

Source: Reddit/AITA

Mixing the intricacies of a blended family in with grief would be tough.

Hopefully this stepmom has figured out how to make everyone, including herself, happy.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.