March 15, 2024 at 1:31 am

‘I would be better off quitting my studies and becoming a housewife.’ – Woman’s Fiancé Constantly Ridicules Her Education, But When He Is Confronted He Turns The Blame Back On Her

by Ryan McCarthy

Source: Reddit/AITA/Pexels

At this point, the words “marriage with more traditional gender roles” send alarm bells ringing in most of our heads.

But in all fairness, there are a lot of couples who are perfectly happy and thrive under traditional gender roles.

For some women, being a stay-at-home Mom is a dream come true, and for some men being the sole provider is a point of pride for them.

But then there are stories like these, that make your skin crawl and have you yelling “GET OUT OF THERE, GIRL!” at your screen.

This user went to Reddit after her fiancé told her that instead of getting a degree, her time would be better spent making him dinner. And when she confronted him, he turned the blame back on her!

Check it out!

AITA for telling my (20F) fiancé (24M) that he needs to stop ridiculing my degree

I (20F) and my fiancé (24M) will get married next year in the summer and I’m very much looking forward to this.

We have our issues, but then again, which couple doesn’t, right? However, lately, he has been ridiculing my studies and the degree I’m getting.

I’m studying in the Netherlands and he lives in Denmark, so we will close the distance next year after the wedding.

I’m currently in my last year of the bachelor’s degree in biomedical sciences. I would argue that this is a very intensive study and requires a lot of time and effort.

Unfortunately, OP’s fiancé didn’t exactly feel the same way.

Sometimes when I complain about this, he says that my degree doesn’t matter and that I would be better off quitting anyway.

The reason why he says this is because we would like to have a marriage with more traditional gender roles once we are married.

So he will earn the money and I will become a stay-at-home Mom. I don’t have a problem with this, but I would like to have a degree to fall back on during tough times.

Whenever I try to make this argument, he shuts it down immediately and claims that I would be better off just quitting my studies and becoming a housewife already.

His reasoning is once we are married I will never use my degree anyway.

I would not mind working e.g. two times a week, but he is strongly opposed to this as he claims that it would interfere with my tasks and chores in our marriage.

Wow. But I guess if that’s what she wants? On top of all of that, OP’s fiancé was also saying his job was leagues and bounds harder than OP’s.

He is currently still in carpentry school, which consists of him having several months of work followed by weeks of school, both of which he gets paid for.

Not only does he dismiss the difficulty of my degree, but he also claims that the work he is doing is much harder.

I can’t disagree with him, because physically speaking it is definitely much more intensive, but I would like for him to acknowledge that my degree is also time-consuming and difficult.

OP was reaching her breaking point, and her fiancé soon told a joke that ended up being the straw that broke the camel’s back.

Recently he joked about what a waste of time getting my degree was, when I should be in Denmark and making him dinner, since that would be more fulfilling for both him and me.

I know I should not let these harmless jokes get under my skin but I lashed out at him.

I told him he needed to stop ridiculing my academic achievements and dismissing all of it so easily, since it might come in handy at some point in the future.

He then quite seriously told me (again) that I shouldn’t take everything so personally.

He said he was speaking the truth, since I will not use my degree once we are married so it is a waste of time and money.

And if that wasn’t enough, her fiancé somehow managed to turn the blame back on to OP!

Then somehow he spun it around and told me that I was not appreciative enough of him wanting to provide for me and our future family.

And that if I wanted to be a ‘girlboss’ I would be free to do so on my own.

So now I’m wondering if I did make a mistake by telling him to stop ridiculing my degree and if I somehow hurt him by appearing ungrateful.


It’s sad that OP would even have to ask if she was in the wrong in this situation.

Even if she wants to be a stay-at-home Mom, it doesn’t give her fiancé the right to belittle her education at every chance he gets!

Reddit unanimously told her to dump him like yesterday’s trash,  and that he is telling her exactly how their relationship will work.

Source: Reddit/AITA

This commenter said even with traditional gender roles, the partners need to respect one another.

Source: Reddit/AITA

And this user in a similar situation to OP said her husband would never stop her from pursuing her dreams.

Source: Reddit/AITA

This user asked what the plan would be if something happened to OP’s fiancé.

Source: Reddit/AITA

And finally, this user encouraged OP to take a good hard look at these comments and get herself into a better place.

Source: Reddit/AITA

Hopefully this moment was a wake-up call for OP, and she can find someone who values her for who she truly is.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.