March 7, 2024 at 5:52 pm

Oblivious Brother Tells His Newly Postpartum Sister To Suck It Up And Stop Demanding Her Husband’s Help

by Ryan McCarthy

Source: Reddit/AITA/Pexels

The time just after giving birth can be the hardest time in a new parent’s life.

And with every baby being so different, there’s no one way to approach caring for a newborn.

Considering this, we all pretty much know not to tell people how they should and shouldn’t be reacting to their new role as a parent. Right?

Wrong, as this user proved

Check it out, and be prepared to cringe!

AITA for ‘belittling’ my sister and saying she shouldn’t demand her husband help with their baby at night?

My husband and I (29M, 27M) went through the surrogacy process and had our son 4 months ago.

We were thrilled when my sister (31F) announced her pregnancy and we found out we would be having children very near the same time.

Our niece was born a little over two months after our son.

My situation and my sister’s closely mirror each other. Our husbands both work typical 9 to 5s with 30 – 45 minute commutes.

My sister is a SAHM and I do freelance work from home.

And unlike most brand new parents, OP said him and his husband were actually handling their little one pretty well!

For the first two weeks after our son was born (the first of which my husband took off of work), we would both take partial night shifts.

Once I felt like I had at least some of my bearings on parenthood, I offered to take over completely on weeknights, while he does mornings before work + weekends.

It’s a collaborative process and that breakdown of parenting just made sense to me.

My husband was the one leaving our home to work every day, he was the one who had to be up by a specific time and make a drive. At 4 months, we no longer have this obstacle anymore.

And to be honest, I kinda miss the sweet, quiet bonding time those extra night feeds provided now that he’s settled onto a nice sleep schedule and usually only wakes up once.

But OP said his sister, on the other hand, was not doing as well adjusting to life with a baby.

My sister, on the other hand, is very much still in that phase and struggling.This has been a recurring problem for her from the beginning.

She has been coming to me saying she’s scared she’s going to fall asleep holding the baby, that her husband won’t help her with the night feeds, etc.

I tried to give her tips since I’ve been through it.

I suggested she let her partner take over in the evenings so she can go to bed early and catch a few more hours, nap when baby naps, etc..

She shot down everything saying ‘ that wouldn’t work for them’ and that she just needed her partner to do some of the night feedings.

But OP’s advice soon started a full-out fight between him and his sister.

I reminded her that her husband is the one commuting in the mornings and falling asleep while driving was a very real possibility, and that I had lived through it and so could she.

I then offered to watch her daughter for a few days so she could catch up on sleep. She took major offense to both of these things.

She said I was belittling her experience and acting like I was a better parent. She said I couldn’t truly empathize with her or give her advice since she had been pregnant and I hadn’t.

And went on to say that me offering to watch my niece just felt like me saying she needed help raising her own daughter.

My intentions were definitely not malicious and I’d like some outside perspective here. AITA?

Has OP thought that what works for him and his husband doesn’t exactly work for everybody?

And did he forget that she recently went through one of the most physically and emotionally strenuous things a human can undergo?

Reddit came down hard on him, saying telling a woman how manage her newborn baby and relationship with her husband is utterly ridiculous.

Source: Reddit/AITA

And this commenter pointed out that every baby is different, and some require a lot more time awake than others!

Source: Reddit/AITA

And this person said apart from the obvious recovery her body needed after pregnancy, there are all kinds of issues new mothers have to face.

Source: Reddit/AITA

This person added that on top of all of that, the body’s hormones take a while to get back to a normal level after giving birth!

Source: Reddit/AITA

And finally this user said that plain and simple, OP has not been through the mental and physical trauma of a pregnancy.

Source: Reddit/AITA

Are we really telling new mothers they need to just “deal with it”?

Come on people!

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