May 23, 2024 at 1:26 am

He Started Speaking In Code To Keep His Friend’s Grief Private, But Now His Wife Is Suspicious And Angry

by Ashley Ashbee

Source: Pexels/Alex Green

When someone you love loses a close family member, the dynamic of your friendship can dramatically change as you comfort him.

That’s what happened with this man’s relationship with his fiancée after his friend’s mom died. Read more to see how serious things got because of it.

AITA for telling my fiancée that my friend’s trauma is more important than her comfort?

My best friend lost a parent a year and a half ago which led him to a mental health crisis. Our friend group has been picking up the pieces ever since.

He’s doing much better now that he’s in therapy.

Keeping the topic between him and his friends has been tricky.

My fiancée has complicated things. My best friend is a very private person. She knows something happened with him, but she doesn’t know the details and probably never will. My fiancée, friends and I live in the same house, so she hears some of the story and presses for more information.

I try to circumvent this, what we refer to as the ‘Nolan Situation,’ as best as I can – for example, I step out of the room for specific phone conversations.

It’s hard to be generous with your time when someone is hovering over you.

Nolan stops by my place at night about twice a month when he can’t sleep. I sit with him and maybe smoke a little bit, then he’ll head home. I’ll wait up until I know he got home safely, then I go back to sleep. My fiancée hates this.

Last night, Nolan stopped by and when I came back inside, my fiancée said she was ‘putting a stop to it.’

OP put his foot down, but he could have done it differently.

I told her that no matter whether we’re married, dating, whatever, she will never have any ownership over my friend’s trauma or be able to order me around about it.

I also said her comfort was less important than someone’s actual physical well-being.


Let’s see what people in the comments had to say.

Good questions. I’d be interested in he’s doing this with all of them.

Source: Reddit/AITA

Excellent point. Trust is the foundation of a marriage.

Source: Reddit/AITA

This feels like a little dig, like OP must be a teenager. I like it.

Source: Reddit/AITA

I really appreciated this insight. Isn’t it perpetuating his friend’s mental issues?

Source: Reddit/AITA

This person smelled something fishy. I have no idea what he could be hiding from her. Maybe it’s some sort of mind game.

Source: Reddit/AITA

Secrets and marriages are like oil and water.

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