June 3, 2024 at 8:41 am

Adopted Man Is Reunited With His Biological Siblings, But They Are Angry When He Doesn’t Regret His Life Apart From Them

by Ryan McCarthy

Source: Pexels/Reddit

For couples who can’t have children of their own, but still want to start a family, adoption is a beautiful option that can give children a great opportunity.

And no matter what  an adopted child’s life is like with their family, it’s completely natural for them to wonder about their birth parents, and what types of lives they lived.

But when this man’s birth siblings tried to guilt him into regretting that he had been adopted, he told them he had had an amazing life with his family.

Was he too harsh on his biological siblings? See for yourself!

AITA for telling my birth siblings I owe them no apology or expressions of regret for being adopted while they were kept?

I (29m) was adopted out of foster care at the age of 4.

My birth parents willingly surrendered me to the state, got me back and then lost me to CPS within a few weeks of being returned to them.

Their extended families were asked if they would like to raise me and everyone on both sides who was contacted, and the list was extensive, said no.

So I was placed back into foster care and after two weeks of a temporary placement I found my parents.

I was 11 months old at the time.

He said his parents were truly the best thing that could have happened to him…

My parents were the best parents anyone could ask for.

I have three siblings from my parents. Two were their bio kids and one was another kid they adopted from foster care.

My family is very close, and it includes a very large extended family where my sister and I adopted from foster care were treated as their own and no different than the blood grandkids.

It was a very happy life.

Once he was an adult, however, his biological siblings contacted him, saying they wanted to meet.

My birth parents went on to have three other children who are now 22, 20 and 19.

My birth siblings found me two years ago on social media and told me they wanted us to be a family.

I expressed at the time that I had zero interest in this.

A few months after this I got another DM from them but this time with a word document attached.

It contained this very heartfelt explanation of how they had always been aware I existed and how their childhood had not been the best but they had always valued each other.

It said how they longed for me to be a part of their lives and how they felt we were robbed of growing up together.

And as heartfelt as their letter was, he said he just didn’t feel the same way.

I did not respond to this right away because it did read as something from the heart but I did not agree with them and did not feel robbed.

I didn’t want to be a jerk. I told them I needed some time and when I did respond, I said I had a very happy life and a wonderful family and I was sorry to not share their sentiments.

They asked if we could meet one time and I agreed and it happened a couple of weeks ago.

They were upset that my siblings were nearby for moral support and they were upset that I did not show up ready to hug and embrace them.

His biological siblings just couldn’t understand how he could have been happy being raised away from them…

They asked me how I could be happy being adopted and raised in another family when I had real, blood siblings, etc.

They asked me how I could express joy because of my adoption knowing this.

I explained again that my life was happy and I would not trade my family for the world, especially given their parents treatment of me.

They told me I should want them and apologize for making it seem like I don’t.

I told them I owe them no apology or expression of regret for being adopted while they were kept.

Unsurprisingly, this was a tough thing for his biological siblings to hear, even if it was the truth…

Of course this was not what they wanted to hear and I left because they clearly wanted to argue after that.

My siblings, parents, as well as my wife were a wonderful support to me after this. But some fellow adoptee friends said I was too harsh.

A few said most of us (adoptees) would love to have such easy access to our birth families and I was rude to mine and threw them away.


I completely understand why they’re upset, but shouldn’t his biological siblings also be happy that he’s in a good mental place after their parents surrendered him?

Reddit assured him that they were not responsible for the choices of their biological parents…

Source: Reddit/AITA

And this user said just because some adoptees want to reconnect with their blood family doesn’t mean every adoptee does.

Source: Reddit/AITA

This person said if they had approached the situation differently, they may have gotten a different result.

Source: Reddit/AITA

Finally, many thought the siblings expected to be his saviors, but didn’t realize that he didn’t need saving.

Source: Reddit/AITA

There is no one right way to feel about being adopted.

This seems like a case of differing expectations.

If you enjoyed that story, read this one about a mom who was forced to bring her three kids with her to apply for government benefits, but ended up getting the job of her dreams.