Hosting family can test even the strongest of relationships, especially when your guest doesn’t lift a finger.

This couple clashed with a houseguest over a sandwich request during cleaning time, leading to a full-blown debate on house rules, priorities, and politeness.

Read on for the story…

AITAH for telling my brother not to make himself a sandwich while my girlfriend cleans the kitchen?

My girlfriend (35F) and I (36M) are hosting my brother (34M) for two weeks, because he has a training in our city.

It’s the first time we’ve hosted him for this long (usually he comes visit for just a weekend).

For such a long stay, differences in eating habits, cleanliness, helpfulness with chores, etc. are starting to clash (politely, but still).

My girlfriend and I spend a few hours on Saturdays cleaning our apartment and cooking for the next few days.

I was hoping my brother would at least propose to help but he hasn’t, he went for a walk when we started, came back later and stayed on his laptop, then took a nap.

Sounds like he’s training for the ‘Ultimate Houseguest Freeloader’ competition.

At 4pm he was hungry (he had snacked on a hot dog in town during his walk instead of coming back to eat with us for lunch).

He asked me if he can make himself a sandwich.

I said “sure but if [my girlfriend] is cleaning the kitchen, you should wait, or eat a banana or an apple.”

I know that my girlfriend doesn’t want anyone in the way when she’s cleaning a room.

She is using that time to call her family.

Besides, I was already a bit annoyed that my brother hadn’t proposed to help, so to go as far as sitting in the kitchen eating a sandwich while she is cleaning, I found this rude.

He doesn’t want a banana and would like bread and ham.

I said “ask [girlfriend] if you can, but don’t be surprised if she says no.”

Apparently, ‘hungry’ trumps ‘helpful’ when it comes to sandwich priorities.

He went in the kitchen to ask.

She was cleaning and calling her mom.

The kitchen table was full of stuff (blender, soap, etc.) that she had just put aside, she would have needed to move them to make space for him, or let him use the counter, which she was cleaning.

She pointed him to the fruit basket and, just like I did, told him he can have a fruit.

He didn’t take anything.

He came back to me and complained that we are “extreme” for not letting him have a sandwich, that he has never seen that anywhere, and that anyone would find it abnormal.

I had no response.

To me it sounded absolutely normal that if you are invited in someone’s home, especially for such a long stay, you don’t get in their way when they are busy cleaning.

Who knew denying a sandwich could spark an international debate on ‘houseguest etiquette’?

But my girlfriend’s mother had overheard on the phone when he had come into the kitchen, and told my girlfriend “come on, let him have his sandwich, the poor thing will starve,” so she came out and told him he could have it.

Now I’m not sure whether we are the AH for telling him no in the first place?

Reddit’s kitchen is now open for judgment: who’s really the AH here?

This person says everyone.

This person says he is the AH…it’s just a sandwich, after all.

This person thinks the drama is over the top here.

Maybe next time, he should focus more on keeping the peace than keeping the kitchen clean.

This whole conflict seems unnecessary.

If you liked that post, check out this story about a guy who was forced to sleep on the couch at his wife’s family’s house, so he went to a hotel instead.