Feeling left out of your partner’s friend group can wear someone down slowly over time, especially when certain barriers already make things harder.

This American woman moved to Europe and spent her first couple of years genuinely trying to connect with her boyfriend’s longtime friends. But rather than feeling welcomed, she often found herself sitting silently through conversations she could barely follow while everyone else bonded around her.

At one point, her boyfriend even had to privately ask his female best friend to make more of an effort to include her during hangouts.

Eventually, after enough uncomfortable experiences, she stopped trying so hard and started focusing on her own friendships instead.

Now, some of his friends suddenly want to spend more time with her, but she no longer has the energy for it.

Read on to hear the full story.

AITA [25/F] for not wanting to hang out anymore with my boyfriends [28/M] friends (esp the girls)?

I moved to a different country, and in my first 1-2 years, I was really putting in effort to be a part of his friend group, and in the end, I always felt left out.

With the language barrier, and I assume cultural differences, being from the USA and living in Europe now (also being a Black girl dating a White European).

And I mean like feeling really LEFT out. At times, his friends would have conversations with him across me, and I’d simply just be sitting there for hours, trying to catch jokes to laugh at or whatnot.

One of his friends makes her very uncomfortable.

So much so, one time he had to tell his best girlfriend (against my wishes because I didn’t want to make things more awkward, which I feel it lowkey did) to make an effort to talk to me after a hangout where she stuck to his side like a magnet, and I just ultimately left the group early.

I figured it is what it is. So, I made an ode to myself moving into 2026 that I’d rather hang out with the few friends I do have or do my own thing solo. Rather than continue to feel left out or just not considered.

The problem is lately his friends (1 is a woman and another a man- separate relationships) have been asking if we could hang out together the 3 of us.

To her, these are his friends and there are only certain times she can handle them.

These two separate individuals are honestly the first people of his friend group that made an effort to talk to me, but I kind of have no energy to be around his friends in close settings.

With their conversations about people I don’t know or old situations, and catching up…. I really almost have PTSD so bad from the past situations that I never really want to hang around his friends.

Unless, of course, for necessary times like his birthday, which I mentally prepare myself for. But just for catching up with people that I don’t really know especially after almost 2 years now without seeing one another, I kind of can’t force myself to do that.

She’s open to advice.

I don’t know if anyone can relate, but I’d love to get some opinions.

I kind of feel like I’m being dramatic but I have noticed that these gatherings really do give me anxiety.

And if you have some advice on how I can explain this without sounding standoffish I’d greatly appreciate it!

AITA?

Wow! There’s a lot to unpack here.

Let’s check out how the folks over at Reddit feel about her dilemma.

For this reader, it’s all about adjusting to the new country.

This person thinks the two people are actually trying to be her friends.

Here’s some advice that would work well.

Yet another person who thinks she should give the two a chance.

Years of being treated a certain way clearly took a toll on her confidence around them.

On one hand, there’s nothing wrong with wanting your own friendships and your own space. Not every couple needs to share the same social circle.

But on the other hand, some of these people seem to actually be trying to make an effort now. After almost three years together, completely shutting everyone out may not be the best answer either.

She doesn’t need to force close friendships with them. But giving people a small chance without putting pressure on herself could help these hangouts feel less stressful over time.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who was stunned when her friends finally admitted the reason for their falling out.