Doing something kind for a friend who is grieving is rarely as simple as it looks, and this story is a good example of why intentions and outcomes don’t always neatly line up.

A woman who offered to pick up dinner for a friend going through a difficult time after losing a parent watched the order arrive larger than expected and realized her freeloading husband had gotten in on the order too.

Privately, she wasn’t that big of a fan of her friend’s husband, so this rubbed her the wrong way. Still, she didn’t have the heart to tell her this when she was already suffering.

Now the woman is left wondering how to make her generosity more targeted next time without it becoming an uncomfortable debate.

Keep reading for the full story.

WIBTA for excluding my friend’s husband?

I have a dear friend who is dealing with a lot right now.

Primarily, she recently lost a parent and struggles with her mental health on top of that, so I’ve been checking in and helping where I can.

So one day, she tried to do something to pick her friend up.

Recently, I offered to pick her up some dinner at her favorite restaurant.

She gave me her order, which was more food than I guessed she would ask for.

Like multiple dishes — enough to feed a few people.

Which would be fine by me if it meant she could eat well for a few meals without shopping or cooking.

But deep down, she knew what was really going on.

But in the back of my mind, I realized she was ordering for her husband too, who I privately dislike due to him being chronically jobless and routinely leaving my friend to cover house expenses on her own, despite him somehow always having enough money to buy the vices he uses constantly.

My intention was to treat her specifically, not her deadbeat husband who can cook for himself and should honestly have been the one to treat his grieving wife to something nice in the first place.

But I brought over exactly what she asked for, and sure enough, two out of the four dishes in the order she gave me were for him.

She tried to save face, but the whole thing rubbed her the wrong way.

Of course I didn’t say anything, but for next time, is there a way to convey that I want to treat her only?

Is it even reasonable to expect someone to exclude a spouse for something like that?

I’m worried about this kind of conversation opening the whole “I hate your husband” can of worms — something for a later date, not now while she has so much else going on.

This woman is right to tread carefully, but surely there must be something she can do.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a woman who doesn’t want to go to the amusement park with her friend anymore, because the friend can no longer ride most of the attractions.

Reddit is sure to have a few ideas.

This user takes her friend’s side.

More people than just her friend are grieving.

Maybe next time, treating her friend should look different.

This user agrees this needs to be a one-on-one thing.

Her frustration here is valid, but redditors were right to push back on her a little bit.

When you offer to treat a friend, there is a reasonable assumption that the treat is for them specifically. When that friend is grieving, exhausted, and sharing a home with a partner, the line between a personal gesture and a household dinner gets blurry fast.

In all likelihood, her friend didn’t mean to cause any harm and simply misinterpreted the gesture.

If she really has that big of a problem with her friend’s husband, then that’s a conversation for another day.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a bus driver who is sick and tired of covering everyone else’s weekend shifts.