Some people want a seat at the table without ever doing anything to help set it. They want the invitation and the accolades, but when it comes to the work to make it happen? Nowhere to be found.

What would you do if your sibling started making your big day about them? One person recently shared a very un-self aware story about this on Reddit- to mixed results. Here’s what she said.

AITA I was too ill to go to my SIL pre-wedding party.

I (F31) have always been extremely close to my older brother (M39).

In our dysfunctional family, we were best friends and always on the same page.

I have multiple serious health conditions including Type 1 diabetes, CKD stage 3b, blindness in one eye, endometriosis, fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety and severe ME/CFS.

That is certainly no easy feat to live with.

I worked since I was 15 but I’m now mostly bedbound/housebound.

My wife is my full-time carer.

I’ve always felt my siblings were ashamed or dismissive of my health.

An unfortunate and unfair burden to carry.

Problems started around my brother’s wedding.

I was hurt not to be a bridesmaid because of how close we are, and I told him honestly.

He exploded, saying I was ridiculous and that “the groom’s sisters are never bridesmaids”.

Not never, but it certainly is rare.

It became a huge argument until eventually he and my SIL came to my house to talk it through.

We resolved it, and my SIL promised that if anything ever upset me, she’d talk to me directly.

The small registry wedding went well, though attending wiped me out physically for weeks.

That’s not a strong sign of being able to participate in a bridal party.

For the big wedding 4 months later, my wife and I booked a hotel for several days bc travel and socialising are extremely hard for my health.

On the Thurs, after packing, traveling and helping my disabled mum prepare, I crashed badly and couldn’t attend my SIL’s pre-wedding party.

My wife texted SIL explaining I was too ill, and my mum apologised in person and gave SIL gifts from me.

She probably could have taken accountability for that herself.

The wedding itself was incredibly difficult physically and emotionally.

I pushed through severe pain with m*rphine, barely rested, dealt with family tension and my abusive father being present, and my wife and I repeatedly ended up excluded from family seating.

Recently my dad had admitted to deliberately drop*ing me as a newborn bc “we only wanted 3 children,” yet my siblings still expected me to play happy families with him, which I did.

Hopefully they got to sit far away from one another.

I also had to stand next to him in photos despite this history and his abuse towards my mum.

I got through it but it ended with me having a phsyical/emotional meltdown in the privacy of my hotel room for the pain.

Weeks later, while still recovering from the stress and physical impact of the wedding, I suffered my first seizure and was later diagnosed with Functional Neurological Disorder.

Sounds like she simply can’t catch a break.

Stress now causes me seizures..

Then my mum told me that shortly after the wedding, my brother and SIL complained to her about me missing the pre-wedding party.

Mom probably should have kept her mouth shut here.

SIL said I should’ve messaged personally despite being extremely ill, and my brother said my mum “pampers” me too much.

That broke me.

So… AITA?

Yikes, this is asking strangers to understand some pretty intricate family dynamics. Let’s see how Reddit weighed in here.

The comments section was largely pretty baffled.

And most came to the defense of the brother.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a sister who let her brother maintain a shared car for years, and doesn’t want to start doing it herself now that he has his own car.

Though some folks showed some nuance.

And ultimately, some necessary tough love was offered.

She’s taking the party out of “bridal party.”