A Young Man Is Weighing A Reunion With His Siblings Against The Troubling Past He Hasn’t Forgotten
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Family reunions can sound hopeful, but unresolved trauma may make them painful or unsafe.
Reuniting these siblings could bring back the same parental roles and serious conflicts they were separated to escape.
Instead of rushing forward, two young adults want their siblings to receive therapy and make progress first.
Check out the full drama below.
AITAH for deciding not to reunite with 4 of my siblings who are still in foster care unless they’re in therapy making progress?
I’m (19M) the oldest of five.
When I was 12, we were taken away from our parents.
Kaia (18F) and I were separated from the rest of our siblings because we had been forced into a parental role.
Our case worker and social worker decided it would be healthier for us to be with people who would let us just be kids.
This young man learned that his other siblings were put in different homes.
Our other siblings, Maddy (13), Miles (12), Jade (9), and Jase (7), were placed together in a different home from Kaia and me.
At some point, Maddy and Miles were placed separately from Jade and Jase
Because they were fighting so much over me and Kaia.
Maddy and Miles showed a lot of aggression toward Jade and Jase.
He and Kaia were asked if they wanted to reunite with their younger siblings.
The reason I found out is because as soon as Kaia aged out of the system, we were asked about reunification with our siblings.
And if we wanted to bring the family together in some way.
We asked for details, and that’s when we learned what happened.
My younger siblings have not been to therapy (at least none was disclosed).
And issues are still there over us and resentment of the youngest two from Maddy and Miles.
He thinks reuniting with them is not a good idea at the moment.
It sounds like Jade and Jase have a set of behavioral issues, too.
To me, it just feels like reuniting could make it worse.
I don’t want to be breaking up fights, and I don’t want to be asked to take them all in.
Kaia agrees.
Kaia also believes that they need to put themselves first.
She said it’s like a red flag that we were approached with so much force (that’s how it felt).
She said we need to put ourselves first, or else we’ll end up being really unhealthy.
And we’ll need way more therapy than we received.
She brought up that they might not take it well that we were adopted either.
And yeah, Maddy and Miles worry me with how they’d react, so we said no.
Their caseworker was pressuring them about the reunification, but they stood firm on their decision.
I did make a point of saying we would be open to it if they were in therapy and making progress.
But we were told it was not our decision.
We got some pushback, but we said our minds were set.
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The case worker we spoke to said it would not be good long term for the relationships if we won’t put the work in as the adults now.
I didn’t like that, and Kaia reported her for pressuring us. AITA for saying no?
Let’s read the responses of other people to this story.
You were right to say no, says this person.
This user shares their personal thoughts.
Here’s another helpful suggestion.
Short and simple.
Finally, this one makes sense, too.
This young man and Kaia aren’t wrong for protecting themselves after spending their childhood being forced to act like parents.
The caseworker should respect their limits and support proper therapy instead of pressuring them to fix problems the adults never addressed.
Turning 18 didn’t magically promote them from traumatized siblings to replacement parents.
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