Magnific

Financial help from family can be incredibly useful, but it also often comes with strings attached, even if they don’t outright say it.

One 20-year-old woman lives alone and receives some financial help from her parents. Now, an argument over cleaning the spare room has turned into a much bigger disagreement about her finances.

Her mom wants to know how much she earns and where her money goes. But she doesn’t feel that it’s her obligation to tell her.

This quickly turned into blaming and harsh words.

Should she just tell her parents how much she earns?

Read the full story below.

AITAH for not telling my mum how much money I make, when she pays my rent?

I (20F) work full time in banking and live alone.

My mum helps me with my rent (£250 a month), pays my phone and WiFi, and my dad gives me £250 a month. I’m grateful for the help, but I think it’s important to explain why she’s helping.

Last year our landlord decided to sell the house we were renting. Instead of us finding another place together, my mum decided she was going to move in with her boyfriend.

She was essentially kicked out.

The options I was given were: Move into his tiny outhouse with my cat, get rid of my cat so I could live in the house with them, get my own flat, and she’d help me financially.

There was realistically only one option for me.

I wasn’t willing to live with her boyfriend anyway because, throughout my childhood, he was verbally abusive and manipulative towards me.

We also moved away from the rest of my family because of him, so our relationship has never been good.

But maybe things would work fine, or so she thought.

Fast forward to now. She offered to help me clear out my spare room.

I thanked her but said I wanted to do it myself because I just wanted to get stuck into it on my own.

Somehow that turned into a massive argument about me not replying to messages quickly enough (context, I’m neurodivergent and I have a rough time replying to messages).

Also me mentioning to my stepmum that my mum wasn’t helping with rent this month (she asked why I couldn’t save this month, so I just answered honestly), and eventually my finances.

Things got more serious.

My mum started saying we needed to sit down together and go through my income and outgoings.

She said I should have loads of savings considering how much help I’ve had, questioned what I spend my money on, and repeatedly asked how much I earn. I refused.

I work in a bank and I’ve always been private about money. I don’t tell anyone what I earn. It’s just a boundary I have.

I told her that I completely understood if she didn’t want to help with rent unless she knew my income, but if those were the conditions then I’d make plans that didn’t rely on her financial support.

But her mom didn’t exactly accept her terms.

Instead of accepting that, she sent me AI screenshots saying parents should ask adult children for proof of income before helping them financially.

She said it was “kind of ****” that I wouldn’t tell my parents what I earn while they’re helping me, and then started saying things like “maybe I wasn’t the mum you wanted” and “I hope one day you realise everything I’ve done for you.”

I told her not to guilt trip me because I wanted to keep my salary private.

I honestly don’t think I’m entitled to her money.

But that’s not even the real issue for her.

If she wants to stop helping because I won’t tell her what I earn, that’s completely her choice and I’ll deal with it.

What bothered me was that me saying “I’d rather keep my finances private” somehow became me being accused of being ungrateful and made to feel guilty for everything she’s ever done for me.

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Being accused of being ungrateful for having boundaries sucks. But what did Reddit think?

A reader shares their thoughts.

Yup.

Food for thought.

Another reader chimes in.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a brother who is upset his parents bought his recovering sister a brand-new car but wouldn’t help him out with a used one.

This person has a different perspective.

Wanting to keep finances private is okay. Her mom could have asked her why she didn’t want to share that information with her before accusing her of being ungrateful, especially given the context.

She suddenly had to live on her own and she also made it clear she doesn’t take the help for granted.

Her mom turned a conversation about money into something way more personal than it had to be.

Her mom is helping her financially, but at what cost?

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Author

Mila Cardozo

Yells her own name like a Pokémon sometimes.

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