Medical Student Wants To Move In With Her Boyfriend’s Parents To Save Money, But Her Own Parents Think It’s A Huge Mistake
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Being financially independent is important, but accepting help from people who want to see you succeed doesn’t mean adulting wrong. Or does it?
One 24-year-old woman is facing a particularly expensive transition as she prepares for medical school. She found a job that will give her valuable clinical experience, but the cost of living nearby could eat up most of her salary.
Luckily, her boyfriend’s parents offered her something that could make the next few months much easier: a room in their home.
There was just one problem.
Her parents believe she shouldn’t be getting help from anyone.
What do you think?
Read the full story below.
AITA for choosing to live with my partner’s family during my med school gap year to reduce financial stress when it’s against my family’s wishes?
I (24F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (23M) for 2 years.
We currently live together and have talked seriously about marriage when he finishes law school.
I love his family, and I think his parents have started to really see me as their daughter-in-law.
Despite the fact that I just finished my M.S. a couple months ago, I’ve decided to pursue medical school as my next goal.
I’ve found a job in Long Island that will give me the clinical hours I need, though it only pays $60k.
I’m planning to move up there next month.
But she may need support.
I’ve realized the cost of living there is going to be very high, and the cheapest apartment I could find will be $1600 a month, and a long driving commute to work on the LIE.
On top of this, I will need to finance a car and MCAT study materials and eventually medical school application fees.
Outside of work, I will be spending all my time volunteering at a hospital or studying for the MCAT.
It’s very overwhelming to think about.
My partner will not be moving with me (because of the aforementioned law school), but his parents actually live in Long Island a very short distance away from my work.
They wanted to help her.
When they heard about my situation, they offered to let me stay in one of their guest rooms for the coming months, at least until I take the MCAT.
They said they just want me to focus on my medical school resume and not stress out too much about finances for the coming period – I should save my money for applications.
My partner assured me that he didn’t ask them to offer this, and that it was 100% their suggestion. He’s also completely on board with the plan.
At first, I was really excited about this offer. However, I then called my parents and told them about it.
But their response wasn’t positive.
My parents like my boyfriend a lot, and have a good relationship with me, though I don’t see them that much anymore since we live on opposite coasts.
They have also never met my boyfriend’s family because of that.
They were appalled that I was even considering their offer. They said that 24 is too old to be relying on charity, and that it was time that I started adulting and paying a landlord.
Yup, they’re boomers.
It was always important to them that I paid my own rent and took out loans for my education when I was a student, and they also said there was no way they would allow me to live with them for free in my mid-twenties, even if I was working close by.
They raised me believing adulthood means supporting yourself.
It is very important to them that I am independent and living off my own salary (they said I’ll be making more than enough to finance my own life).
I’m now in a position where I feel like I have to choose between financial security, or making my family lose all respect for me.
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While my parents have never been financially supportive of my endeavors, but they’ve always had my back emotionally and mentally, and I know as their only child they love me deeply.
AITA?
What did Reddit think?
Some food for thought.
This is good advice.
Another reader chimes in.
If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a sister who feels badly about unknowingly encouraging her younger brother to play with bullies.
Something else to consider.
It’s okay to value independence and want to raise independent kids. It’s another thing to refuse to help them when helping them would improve their lives dramatically.
Paying her own rent is part of becoming an adult, but accepting help from people who willingly offered it doesn’t necessarily make her less independent.
She’s definitely adulting by working, planning for medical school, studying for the MCAT, and trying to save for a very expensive future.
Is it worth it proving how much of an adult you are by refusing help in this economy? Maybe the mature thing to do is to accept help when you need it.
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