There’s a point where a frequent houseguest stops feeling like a guest and starts feeling suspiciously like someone who should be chipping in for the electric bill.

One woman has happily shared a small three-bedroom house with her male housemate for a year and a half. When he previously suggested adding a third roommate, she made her position clear: he was welcome to do it, but she would move out.

As a shift worker who often needs to sleep during the day, having a relatively quiet house and plenty of personal space matters to her.

Then her housemate got a girlfriend.

At first, the new relationship didn’t change much. His girlfriend visited on weekends, and his housemate had no problem with it. But within a few months, weekend visits became daily appearances and overnight stays five or six nights a week.

The girlfriend is perfectly nice, which almost makes the situation more awkward.

Because the problem isn’t who she is.

It’s that the woman specifically said she didn’t want a third housemate—and now she feels like she got one anyway.

AITA for being annoyed that my housemate’s gf has become an unofficial 3rd housemate

So for context I (27f) have lived with my housemate (27m) for a year and a half. We live a pretty small 3 bedroom house. It is only the two of us and he wanted a third housemate, but I told him I would move out if that happened.

Not out of spite, but because I really like my personal space which would be hard to get in our little place. I am also a shift worker so having more people in the house means more noise and less sleep for me.

A few months ago he started dating a girl (27f). She would come over on weekends for the first couple of months, which didn’t bother me. But by month 3 she is now over daily.

Woof.

Whether it’s her coming over for majority of the day or staying the night. She is currently staying over 5-6 times a week.

I feel like I see her more than anyone in my life. She is nice and I don’t have any issues with her personally. Just an issue with how often she is over.

One day I was on night shift and sleeping during the day, when I heard a noise. I knew my housemate was at work so it wasn’t him. That’s when I realised she was there without him, which I feel like is an overstep.

Most definitely.

We had not previously discussed having partners over as we both had been single for years. I didn’t know how to bring up the conversation so I asked him if they would ever stay at her place, as they never have. He said he wouldn’t because she lives with her parents.

She was in the house but not in the room when we had this conversation and he said we should talk about it when she’s not here. To which I said let me know when that happens, as she quite literally is always there. (Petty I know but I had made comments to him prior about her being over often, with no change).

Since the walls are paper thin she overheard this conversation and was upset by it. I can understand why she is upset, but I feel like I am not being unreasonable. I am paying to live there and she is not, so her comfortability should not override me.

Absolutely.

He said that I should have expected this would happen eventually, but I feel like it would be expected that they would stay at both of their houses. I reminded him that I didn’t want a third housemate and that is what it feels like has happened. I feel like a constant third wheel in my own home. I made it very clear to him that I do not have an issue with her personally, as it wouldn’t matter who the girl is. To which he joked about me being jealous (eye roll).

So there’s two things that bother me. 1. Another person in our little house, making me feel like a third wheel. 2. Her being over often would be increasing the bills and she is not contributing.

AITA for thinking it’s unreasonable for her to stay over 5-6 nights a week when she’s not contributing to rent or bills?

Staying over five or six nights every week goes well beyond the occasional overnight guest, particularly when the girlfriend is sometimes in the house while her boyfriend isn’t even home.

The housemate is entitled to have a relationship and invite his girlfriend over. But sharing a home means his decisions also affect someone who pays to live there. His girlfriend’s living situation with her parents may explain why they always stay at his place, but it doesn’t make that his roommate’s problem to absorb indefinitely.

There are practical concerns, too. Another person regularly showering, using electricity and spending most of the week in the house can increase shared expenses. More importantly, it changes the environment the two actual tenants originally agreed to share.

The snarky comment about waiting until the girlfriend wasn’t there to discuss it probably wasn’t ideal, especially with thin walls. But after several hints went nowhere, the frustration isn’t exactly mysterious.

Rather than debating whether the girlfriend technically “lives” there, they need to agree on reasonable boundaries around overnight stays, being there without him and shared costs.

A girlfriend visiting is normal. A girlfriend practically moving in without the other tenant getting a say is something else entirely.

This person says been there, done that. NTA.

This person says this is just not right.

And this person says moving is the only option.

If they have to wait for his girlfriend to leave before discussing how often she’s there, they may have already answered the question.