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When you are at work, you should be able to expect that your coworkers will be respectful and mature, but that is not always the case.

What would you do if some of your coworkers kept hounding you to try to get you to tell them about your surname and where you were from even though you wanted to keep those things private?

That is what happened to the guy in this story, and he is tired of trying to avoid that conversation with people who should be his friends at work.

It seems that he works with a bunch of nosey gossips. Read through the full story and see what you think he should do.

AITA? Co-workers who can’t read the room

Note: I don’t want to get fired or have this brought up to HR so I will be vague about locations and whatever info I think might get me caught.

Let’s see what is going on here.

I recently started at a new job far from my family. It’s in a rural area in Africa.

Now there’s progression in the sense that women work, are taking lead in some aspects, male nurses are a thing. It’s like everywhere else honestly.

Some people think their way is the only good way for everything.

However, some people cannot leave well enough alone in their views on things and the problem here is that a co-worker wants everyone to live as he does or believe whatever he believes in.

I don’t like my surname. I have wanted to change it for as long as I can remember because of personal reasons. Because it is is on every legal document though, it’s not something I can avoid.

Someone at work is interested in the details of his past.

Some people will refer to me using that name and I’m okay with it, but only if we’re strangers.

The guy, let’s call him Naftal. Naftal wanted to figure out where I’m from and what tribe blah blah blah because I have an unfamiliar accent in this place, so it caused some buzz.

Apparently where he is from can be complex, and he doesn’t want to reveal it.

And everyone keeps asking where I’m from. Now, I don’t like discussing these things because it’s all complicated and I’m just trying to get through life.

That’s all I can muster up to. I left my family so I could figure myself out. In Africa, a person can tell where a person is from based on their surname, so it’s a bit of a thing.

He was very direct that he doesn’t want the guy to use his surname.

Cool, Naftal figures out my surname and I tell him straight up, I dont like that name, so please refrain from using it.

He queues that its a nice surname and that if it were him, he’d be proud blah blah blah. I tell him again that I just dont like it and he should leave it alone.

Why do people keep harassing him about this?

I walk away to do other things because I was getting upset because I’d had this same conversation not even 30 minutes ago with another male coworker.

I actually had to go into detail and explain it. I had to cuss at work. Twice in the same day over the same situation because on my way home Naftal went in again and I was done.

What is this even about?

We’ll enough, I even had an audience this time around.

My understanding is they think a child shouldn’t disobey their fathers. Perhaps they believe its a tantrum of sorts and they can taunt me about it.

Some people love to gossip, and that seems to be the case here.

There’s a lot of reasons as to why they might behave in such ways. I believe it also has to do with tradition and their identity as men of sorts. The need to defend their kin and that makes me even madder because for me, it isn’t that simple.

It isn’t something I want to discuss with strangers. The urge to meddle is like 10x the normal in a rural area but like let’s grow up people. I come here to work. Not get bullied.

AITA?

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It seems like his coworkers really just like to gossip about stuff, and that is very unprofessional. He is right not to participate and to try to shut it down.

Let’s see what the people in the comments have to say about it.

The coworker is weird, that’s for sure.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a person who is told their fence doesn’t meet community guidelines, but then they find a way around those guidelines in their own handbook.

Making his boundaries clear was a good idea.

He just has a nosey coworker.

He had every reason to be frustrated with his coworkers. They are lucky that he didn’t try to get them fired.

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Author

Michael Levanduski

Senior Contributing Editor, Workplace & Community

Michael Levanduski is a veteran journalist and digital culture specialist with over 15 years of professional writing and research experience. While his background spans emerging technology and complex technical subjects, Michael specializes in analyzing workplace ethics, property disputes, and viral interpersonal dynamics across modern digital forums.

Since joining TwistedSifter in 2024, Michael has authored some of the publication’s most widely read coverage on corporate policy, malicious compliance, and neighborhood relations. Rather than simply aggregating online debates, he brings rigorous research, organizational context, and an empathetic editorial voice to everyday human dilemmas—transforming raw forum discussions into insightful, highly engaging narratives.

When he isn’t covering internet culture, Michael enjoys traveling, keeping up with tech trends, and spending time with his family. Connect with Michael on LinkedIn and Facebook.