When you live with roommates, you are bound to have some conflict and disagreement, but when handled maturely, it shouldn’t be a huge issue.

What would you do if you had two roommates who always seemed to team up against you and the other roommate, and they acted like they were in charge of everything while also picking fights constantly?

That is the situation that the young woman in this story is in, and she doesn’t know how to fix it. Her other roommate is moving out soon as well, which makes things more complicated.

My advice would be to find another place to live for herself, but that isn’t always easy. Read through the full story below and see what you think she should do.

How to handle roommates who are best friends

Hi, I am barely 3 weeks into school where I am living with 3 random roommates and am experiencing conflict.

This can certainly make for an awkward dynamic if you let it.

Roommates A and B are best friends, which creates a weird dynamic when roommate C and I are the random roommates.

They do not have separate lives and do everything, including addressing roommate concerns, together, which feels like an “us vs. them” dynamic instead of a group.

Honestly, this has little to do with the friendship between the first two roommates. It is just poor conflict management.

I am more frustrated with how they handle the issues rather than the issues themselves.

For example, they raise concerns with a defensive, passive-aggressive attitude, and are angry before the discussion even starts.

This makes conversations feel really confrontational and difficult to resolve.

The two friends act like they are in charge.

A recurring problem is that A and B are unwilling to compromise, especially in shared spaces.

For example, they resisted me asking to limit the number of kitchen appliances on an already limited counter space, despite safety concerns and the fact that roommate C and I cook more frequently.

If this is a safety issue, it should be handled as such.

They justify decisions by saying that “xyz worked last year” even though I, their current roommate, am saying otherwise. They have this old oven toaster that heats up on the outside and is in front of the light switch/outlet, which A and I have burned ourselves on.

They only “moved” it, as in 2 inches to the left, because they claim the water puddle under it is a “hazard.” Jeez, also why I wanted an empty counter, so it’s easy to clean.

Why do they think they can unilaterally make decisions?

They make a lot of decisions without considering others. For example, changing move-in arrangements without telling everyone, claiming the best storage spaces before I moved in, and making purchasing decisions inconsistently.

I was set to be 3rd in, but B switched move-in time without telling C and I. They left the most inconvenient shelves, all top shelves where I can only reach them if I am standing on the counter.

This person seems to be controlling for no reason at all.

The shelves are set up so that each person takes 3 vertical shelves, and one person gets slightly more shelving, but less desirable since it’s above the stove.

The least desirable shelves were the most empty, so I asked to have them. That way they are moving less of their stuff, even though they weren’t considerate of me.

B got defensive and said, “I have too much space,” so I offered up one of the shelves, and she responded, “Oh I don’t need it.” Like huh?

Splitting costs on these things is a mistake. What happens if people move out?

B initially refused to split the cost of a microwave 4 ways, saying she already spent money on personal expenses, yet later split the cost of a microwave 2 ways with “A.”

B assumed people would use her air fryer and toaster oven, and we HAVE to split the cost of tinfoil and special liner for HER appliances. They pull the “I can’t afford it” “I’m broke” card, which annoys me since 3 of us are instate/living on campus to save money.

These types of conflicts are common with roommates.

Another point of tension is their poor organization and problem-solving. They refuse practical solutions like using the dishwasher as a drying rack, while simultaneously taking up huge amounts of shared space with cookware.

I bought a cheap dish rack since I wanted to avoid conflict, yet I can’t even use it myself since their giant dishware sits for days.

Sharing dishes and appliances is pretty standard.

The kitchen is not functional, yet they are unwilling to change. A and B were the only who said they are ok sharing kitchen stuff.

C is an exchange student, so she is sharing kitchen things with them, yet they are now mad that C is using them.

The roommates seem to be intentionally picking a fight here.

Recently, they confronted me about taking out the trash, which felt really passive-aggressive. Despite assigning myself to trash duty through a chore system I suggested, they took out the trash themselves before it was actually full, then were annoyed about it afterward.

Our trash has consistently only been 1/3-1/2 full, and I was waiting till the end of the day to take it out. It was also their trash bag, and I was being conscious since they would for sure be mad if I threw out a barely full trash bag.

It’s a larger issue of they do things no one asked them to do, and then they use those actions as evidence that others aren’t contributing enough.

Some people just love drama, and it seems that is the case here.

I am annoyed since they are often the messier roommates and tend to escalate minor issues into large conflicts where they hold grudges, and all interactions become weird after.

They address things with hostility instead of casually, which makes things uncomfortable and tense. It feels like they almost want problems and want to have bad roommates, when we just aren’t.

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She might want to look for a new place to live, too

I’m scared since C is leaving end of term, so the dynamic will be 2 v 1.

Please let me know if anyone has dealt with something similar, and how to handle it.

I’ve had my share of bad roommates, so I’m at my wits’ end. 😓 Thanks for reading all this!!

Assuming everything written here is accurate, it seems that the two roommates just like conflict, and that isn’t going to change. She needs to either try to ignore it, or start looking for a new place to live.

Let’s see if the people in the comments have anything helpful to offer.

Living with two sisters would make things difficult.

Some people are very difficult to live with.

This person says to ignore them when she can.

If you enjoyed this story, check out this post about a community who realizes their mistake after restricting parking to residents only gets guests and delivery drivers towed.

These roommates seem petty and immature.

Here is a commenter who went through something similar.

This roommate dynamic is not going to fix itself, so she needs to get out of there as soon as she can. Until that point, she should try to ignore them and do her own thing.